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Faith Counsellor: My husband is not ‘reaching’ me

Published:Tuesday | September 29, 2015 | 12:00 AM

My husband is not 'reaching' me

Dear Joan,

I am having a problem that I could really use your advice on. I have been married for three years now and, to tell you the truth, I am getting frustrated in the lovemaking department.

My husband is a wonderful man in every other way. He is kind, considerate, and fun to be around, but when it comes on to sex, he leaves me frustrated.

He doesn't spend enough time stimulating me and I always end up feeling like I missed out on something. Sometimes I am not even properly lubricated and it hurts a little.

I really don't know how to tell him that I need more without hurting his feelings. The only thing I can do is try and not have sex so often, as there is really nothing in it for me.

- F.M.

Dear F.M.,

I am happy to hear that you have a wonderful husband and, if that's the case, you should be able to talk to him. Lovemaking is meant to be enjoyed, not 'endured'. I am guessing that your husband will appreciate your input if you can make it better for both of you. The poor soul probably doesn't know any better and it's your role to teach him.

Here is what you are going to do. Try and initiate the lovemaking session yourself. You are going to start off by doing all the stuff to him that you would want him to do to you. Then you playfully whisper in his ear that it's time for him to return the favour.

Don't be silent. Be encouraging in your praises. Urge him on to do more stuff by telling him what you need. Believe it or not, men are not mind readers. Sometimes they need a little guidance.

Don't be afraid to talk about the things that you like during sex, and if you are not there yet, let him know.

I hope this all works out. Blessings.

- Joan

Will I ever find a partner?

Dear Joan,

I am in my late 30s and I am beginning to think that there isn't a soulmate out there for me. I am very active in my church, but, of late, I am getting discouraged as I don't see one prospect in church.

I am getting to that point now where I want to settle down and maybe, if it's not too late, have a child. Of late, I have been feeling lonely. Sometimes I sit in church and observe the married couples and I get a slight feeling of envy. I want that, too.

I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it. I am now wondering if I will ever find someone to call my own.

- G.H.

Dear G.H.,

Don't give up just yet. Remember we are serving a God who believes in timing. You say the pickings in your church are slim to none, but who says your partner will be coming from there?

I think you are focusing too much on your narrow environment. Stop worrying so much about finding that person and start having some fun.

Go to gospel concerts, Christian socials, and retreats. Put yourself out there. Be friendly and socialise a whole lot more. It's in these places that you will meet single men. Believe it or not, most Christians don't find their soulmates in their home church.

If you think too much about your single status, you could start getting desperate and do one of the worst things ever - settle - you don't want to do that either.

So have some fun, maintain a close relationship with your Heavenly Father, and allow Him to do the rest.

God bless you.

- Joan

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