Wed | Dec 7, 2022

My husband wants ‘freaky sex’

Published:Wednesday | November 4, 2015 | 2:14 PM

My husband wants 'freaky sex'

Dear Joan,

I am having a big problem and it has got even more intense. My husband is an ardent reader of the Family and Religion section and I came from helping to clean the church to see the section placed in the settee where he knows I normally sit to watch television.

Since I saw the headline that there is no sin in sex, I acted like I never saw it and when I made no move to take it up, he 'suggested' I read the article.

He then looked at me and asked if I was now willing to give in to his request.

Joan, I am just not comfortable with certain things and no amount of article in the paper is going to change my mind. I am not a prude, let me make that clear. I am willing to try new stuff with him, but within limits, I can't see myself doing other things I can't even bring myself to state it here.

He is now turning things about strengthened by the article no doubt and saying it's my duty to please him. He is even telling me that I am not obeying God in the right way as I am failing in the department of taking care of my husband.

Joan how can I get through to him? I genuinely love him and want to please him, but there must be a compromise.

Help me please ... I can't see myself taking this kind of a conversation to our pastor ... so I look forward to whatever you have to say.


Dear HB,

I am being careful in responding to your issue as I have no idea what the 'freaky sex' is you are talking about. A lot of people refer to things such as cunnilingus as freaky, they also see certain kinds of sexual positions as 'outside the norm' and label it as freaky too. If those are what you are complaining about then I wouldn't classify them as being freaky. You would have to find a way to put your reservations aside, talk to your husband and see if both of you can go on this journey together. If at first you don't succeed, just keep trying in phases - better to make an attempt and fail, than to have him thinking you are not interested in meeting him half way in anything at all.

If he wants you to use objects or do things that can be dangerous to you then you have a right to refuse. You can then tell him if he truly loves you, he wouldn't be asking you to do that stuff. You are the one who knows the exact nature of his request, so use my response and let it be your guide.

God bless you.

I am in

love with

my sister's fiancÈ

Dear Joan,

I am having a serious problem, one that I am totally ashamed about. Ever since my sister introduced me to her fiancÈ, I can't stop having fantasies about him. He is so handsome, and really knows how to treat a lady. I see him with my sister and he treats her so special. Sometimes I catch him staring at me as if he would not be averse to me approaching him.

I don't want to have these thoughts about him and my sister would be really hurt if she knew what I am thinking about her man. Should I tell him how I feel?


Dear C.T.,

Snap out of it now! You are treading on dangerous ground right here. Your sister trusts you and here you are fantasising about her man.

You say you caught him looking at you as if he would welcome an approach from you ... could it be your are seeing what you want to see?

Thoughts can come into your mind, but you are the one who controls what lingers. Every time you allow your mind to wander and dreams about your sister's fiancÈ then you are feeding that desire.

My advice to you is get a life. Get involved with other people, go out, have fun and stop looking your brother-in-law's way. You said it, he is treating your sister like a princess - allow them to be happy and don't think about starting a fire that can get out of control.


Do you have an issue in the Church and need guidance? Send questions to