Sat | Oct 1, 2022

I don’t want another child

Published:Thursday | December 3, 2015 | 2:17 PM

Dear Joan,

I am having an issue and I am hoping you can give me some advice. I have two children with my husband and, quite frankly, we are managing to keep our heads above the water. I am comfortable with the life we have made for ourselves. The children are ages 12 and nine and we have a savings plan for their education.

Just when I thought we had everything all planned out and were ready to enjoy our lives, my husband got it into his head that he wants another child. At this point in my life, I don't want to have another child. I think that would throw us off rhythm as it would be an additional expense that I don't think we are prepared to deal with.

I am in my late 30s and am more on the brink of having a hysterectomy, as I want to remove all chances of ever getting pregnant again. This situation is now becoming problematic as my husband told our pastor about it and he wants me to consider doing what my husband is asking.

Joan, I honestly don't want to do this, and we are now at a crossroads in our marriage. The children are even now beginning to sense the

tension between us.


Dear F.P.,

You are in a really tough situation and, to be honest, I have to be careful how I answer you. I can't go ahead and tell you to have or not have another child. You are fighting for your marriage and keeping your family together here. I, however, think that your pastor could have made the situation a bit easier by encouraging your husband to listen to your reasons about not wanting another child instead of outrightly telling you to give in to him.

Whatever you do, you have to find a solution soon as you don't want your children to start feeling uncomfortable in the home as you two stay at loggerheads.

What I suggest is that you both find some time to just sit back, relax and reason out stuff. Show him why you are against having another child and allow him to tell you how he plans on making financial adjustments to bringing in a third mouth to feed. Also pray about the matter and ask God's guidance in dealing with this situation.

I pray it all works out for the best.

I love a church sister but she doesn't believe it

Dear Joan,

I am madly in love with a girl who attends my church, but the trouble is she thinks I am just trying to fool her. Without bragging, I must confess that I am a very handsome man, I am in a good job and, basically, a number of other women have been sending me signals, but I ignore them all as I only have eyes for this particular sister. She is not a looker, but she has a personality! She is very zealous about the ministry and so caring, which are the qualities that drew me to her in the first place.

She admits to me that there are a number of attractive women in the church and asks why her. She thinks I am just trying to make her feel good. I just don't know how to make her think I am serious. What can I do to convince her?


Dear K.J.,

It sounds to me that this sister has some self-esteem issues. She obviously is not seeing herself the way you are. The mere fact that she is pointing out to you that there are more attractive girls in the church simply means she doesn't see herself as being able to compete.

Maybe the best way to get her attention and make her realise your intent is to go to the pastor of the church and tell him of your feelings. He will then convey how you feel to her and try to find out how she feels about it.

Many women, unfortunately, look at others and immediately think they don't have much to offer. From what you describe, she has a whole lot to admire. Hopefully, you can convince her.


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