Dear Counsellor | Together and apart
Q: I have a child with a man who is 15 years my senior. The relationship was not working. I was living at his house. He said that I could stay, but we would be in different rooms. He earns much more money than I do. I am a teacher. I want to improve myself, so I did not mind living at his house. However, a second child came about, and he still wants me to live in the house but in separate rooms. He claims that he is mature and I am too irresponsible. He does not like to lose an argument. Because he is smart, he thinks he knows more than me on every subject. He was my first boyfriend. He is a good father. He spends time with the children and provides for them. However, my best female friends believes that I should move out and start another relationship. She does not believe in friends with benefits either. What do you think I should do?
A: It appears as if the father of your children wants to have the best of both worlds in that he claims that there is no relationship but is still having sex with you. This is a very bad idea. In addition, you are blighting your prospects in that a man looking in from the outside might believe you are in a steady relationship. You could stay in this awkward relationship for the children's sake or move out and start over. If you do the latter, then prepare yourself for a lower standard of living. It seems that he is treating you like a child and perhaps does not respect you. It is not an equal partnership. It seems better for you to move on, otherwise you might get another child and further complicate your life and your goals.