Mon | Dec 4, 2023

Steve Lyston | Preparing for marriage

Published:Monday | June 3, 2019 | 12:00 AM

Marriage is a solemn covenant entered into by one man and one woman in freedom, wherein they pledge their love and fidelity in joy, sorrow, sickness, health and prosperity. Marriage is never for the short term. Only God has the power to sever a covenant.

If anyone is planning to get married, he or she must go through the preparation process first. Each must also know the principles and protocols surrounding marriage. There are many with fairy-tale ­versions of what they believe marriage should be.

Recognise that everything you do before you are married impacts the process involved in marriage.

The first and last thing to know is that if you are not willing to yield to God’s choice for you to marry, then you are not ready for marriage. Some are still waiting because they are still holding on to the fairy tales in their mind.

When getting married, you will need to marry a like-minded person. In other words, you must have the same vision and goals.

In marriage, you must be equally yoked, not unequally yoked. Either you are both saved or not, but where one is saved and one is unsaved, that marriage is heading for disaster. It is not about the age and the race, but a person’s beliefs and faith are key. If both are not the same, you are headed for great pain.

Ensure that in preparation, both know and understand each other’s role in the marriage.

Good communication is of utmost importance.

There must be leaving and cleaving.

Know that the power of prayer cannot be understated. It will be one of the greatest tools each person will need in their marriage toolbox.

Each must know the rules that govern sex. Sexual intimacy in a marriage is a privilege and a mystery. Man and wife need each other in this way because the tensions of life are relieved in this way. If you don’t want sex then marriage is not for you.

If you don’t want children, marriage is not for you. If you don’t want your physique to change in the least, marriage is not for you.

A part of the preparation for marriage is approval from your parents or your spiritual leader. Once there is confirmation, then it is time to get into premarital counselling. In premarital counselling the date is set. It should not be a very distant future date, because it opens the door for the couple to fall into temptation and establish ungodly covenants and soul ties.


Women, ensure that you, like Esther, go through a time of consecration and purification. God wants to purge you from the past, because you cannot afford to take your past into your union – whether or not you had children prior to the union.

Ensure that you have a strong spiritual foundation. Because if you don’t have a strong ­relationship with God, you are not going to have a strong ­relationship at all.

If you are not willing to make sacrifices to birth others – which would sometimes include a delay in your personal goals – then you will have serious problems.

If, as a woman, you are unwilling to yield and allow the man to be the head of the family and help him to maintain that, then there will be problems.

In a marriage, neither of you should be living as if you’re still ­single Leaving and cleaving means your roles, functions and priorities change significantly.

If, as a man, you are not willing to play your role, which includes feeding his family physically and spiritually, be the father of all the children, nurture and protect his wife and children, just as Christ did with the Church, and maintain a strong spiritual foundation, then you are not ready.

Likewise, the wife needs to pray for her family, and be the Proverbs 31 woman.

Oftentimes, people blame God for the delay when it is really them who are unwilling to renew their minds and obey His instructions.

Never go into a marriage covenant thinking about divorce and failure. Enter it confident and willing to pay the price for a successful marriage.

God hates divorce.

The increase in breakups fuels the rise in crime, violence, economic problems and other social issues.

Stable marriages bring a secure society.

Steve Lyston is a biblical economics consultant and author of several books, including ‘End Time Finance’ and ‘The New Millionaire’.