The realities of being a single mother

Crystal Daye is a life coach, a passionate worker for the Lord and an author. However, the work that gives her the most satisfaction is that of being a mother.

She says that she would not have chosen to take on the task of parenting all by herself, but she is making the best of the hand that she has been dealt.

“I believe, as single mothers, our hardships start the moment we are rejected by someone we trusted to play his part in the parenting process, but who instead refuses to embrace his responsibilities. We go through the emotions of wondering, what about my baby, doesn’t he want it? And even if he doesn’t want me, why would he do this to an innocent baby?” she shared with Family and Religion.

Moving past that disappointment, Daye said she is confident that women are blessed with superpowers that see them being soft, like potatoes, when placed in hot water, instead of being hard like eggs.

“We learn to love, care and do what we need to do to be the best moms we can be,” she said.

Daye shared that she has been going it alone ever since she announced her pregnancy to her partner.

However, fortunately for her, she said her daughter has a community – an amazing one which makes her journey easier.

“From her ‘frighten’ grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins, godparents and even church members, everyone makes us feel so loved. While there were moments like sports days, birthdays and even a few times when she was fell ill and I wished she could share those moments with her dad and it didn’t happen, the feelings of failure and rejection as a mother play over and over in my head,” she said.

SUPPORT

With all the support, though, it did not spare her from the rough moments which include severe financial lack. Still, she expressed gratitude for the fact that, for every financial lack, she enjoyed a breakthrough.

With the COVID-19 pandemic creating havoc on the world, Daye said she herself had some major challenges navigating it.

“I am grateful, however, that I am an entrepreneur, working from home full time. So I don’t have to worry about who will care for my daughter when I go to work. However, the homeschooling thing is a challenge. I wasn’t graced for teaching young children, plus most days after working with clients, I am just so tired,” she shared.

“Sometimes a thought pops into my head: what if her dad was around, would he be able to help? I don’t know ... maybe. Or maybe I am thinking that way because my father was the parent that helped us with our schoolwork, so a part of me wished for a similar experience for her. So, how do I balance working and online classes? I don’t. It is at those times that I wonder what would have happened if her father were more involved in her life.

“Do I always forgive him quickly? Nope. Don’t judge me. Yes, I am a Christian but I have to pray harder because I somehow feel responsible for the lack she has to experience not having a father around all the time, when I grew up with my dad always around (and he still is),” she pointed out.

Daye is encouraging other single mothers that they should not try to grow their child/children without God.

“He is truly a provider who always fulfills His promises. He never makes you or your child feel rejected or lacking in love, and He is truly a source of strength. My biggest lesson as a single mother is, it really takes a village to grow a child. So embrace the love that is around through family and friends. Focus less on anything you feel lacking and allow God to affirm you that you are enough as a mother, as you do the best you can do to grow your kids in the way of the Lord,” she concluded.