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Kids out, bring in the heat

Published:Monday | August 17, 2015 | 12:00 AMJody-Anne Lawrence

A good parent just want to see their child be better than them and sometimes in ensuring this, parents forget to pay attention and, after the children have moved out, they realise that they have become strangers.

It is not always easy to maintain an intimate relationship with your partner between diaper changes, dropping off the children and trying to earn that extra cash to send them to university. And as a result, the intimacy between husband and wife cools down.

Relationship specialist and sexologist Dr Sidney McGill admitted that this is sometimes the case. With this said, however, he believes that intimacy should be something that couples work to maintain in their relationship, irrespective of their hectic schedule.

But what happens after the children are grown? Though easier said than done, you should date each other more now, especially with the new-found time on your hands.

"Start dating each other regularly now that you both have a bit more time to spare," Dr McGill encouraged.


no need to rush


There is no need to rush the process. Remember this is the rest of your life without the distractions of parenting.

"Take time to increase the intimacy between you. Let your motto be: 'I will give more and expect little'," said McGill.

Do not let physical intimacy be something of a routine. Both partners need to take turns in initiating and try not to work on a schedule. This makes it monotonous and boring.

"Erotic love should be free, not fixed to a schedule and always in flux," McGill noted. Adding: "Most partners tend to stay in one role during lovemaking: one initiates, the other follows; one dominates, the other surrenders. If this continues for too long, the passion, once a hot, crackling flame, becomes a smouldering ember towards the empty nest stage of life in many cases."

You may have to relearn what your partner likes physically. So do not be ashamed to ask your partner what helps to stimulate him/her.

"Strive to let sex be emotional interactions. Know what hurts your partner and what gives more pleasure. Ask if you are unsure," McGill shared. He continued, "Get out of your comfort zone. Dare to be different even if you have sex positions that you prefer - explore your partner's body while he/she surrenders to you. It's an attitude of opening up more to the desires of your partner."

McGill also advised if there are emotional blocks that are preventing you from exploring the sexual side with your spouse, you should seek counselling.