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Doctor's Advice: Am I a Lesbian?

Published:Monday | November 2, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q. Good day, doctor. I am a bewildered woman, and I would like your advice about my sex life.

I am 30 years old and I have a very good job, a loving husband and two wonderful children. Life has treated me well. My husband and I usually have sex two to three times for the week, and it is very satisfying. I always orgasm, without difficulty.

But recently, things began to go a little awry when my work brought me in contact with an elegant and beautiful Canadian woman. She is just a little older than me, very sophisticated and experienced in the ways of the world.

Two months ago, I had to go to her place, to discuss a business matter. When we were done, she poured us both a drink. Doctor, we were standing very close and talking when suddenly I found us kissing.

I just don't know how this happened, but she put her arms round me and we stood there, kissing passionately, for at least five minutes. Finally, I pulled away. My heart was pounding and she laughed charmingly, and said: "We must do this more often! Can you come back for another meeting on Tuesday?'

Well, I agreed. And the Tuesday meeting turned out to be even more passionate. I am afraid to say that we took off our clothes and got into bed together. I did not really know what to do, but she was obviously very experienced in these matters. To be honest, she had no difficulty making me orgasm - twice.

The reason I am writing to you is that I feel very 'muddled' by all this. I love my husband. And throughout the last few weeks, my sexual relationship with him has continued as normal. I still find him very exciting, and he has remarked that I am 'even more orgasmic' than I used to be.

Meantime, I have continued to see the Canadian woman around once a week, and each time we have a few hours of wild passion.

Doctor, can you help me straighten my head out? What am I? I do not think I am a lesbian, because I like and desire my husband so much. But I feel that I cannot be entirely 'straight' either, in view of what has happened.

A. Thank you for being so frank. A lot of people, including men and women, are sometimes a little confused about their sexuality.

A lot of psychologists explain it this way: Human sexuality is like a horizontal line across a page. Most of us are near one end - which is the heterosexual or 'straight' end. But a large minority is at the other end - which is the homosexual or 'gay' one.

However, quite a few are scattered somewhere along the line, so that they are located between 'exclusively straight' and 'exclusively gay.' Interestingly, they sometimes move along that line during the course of their lives, so that they somehow become 'less straight' or 'less gay.' Often, their movement along the line is affected by meeting some very attractive or charismatic individual.

And that is what has happened to you. You obviously started out somewhere near the 'straight' end of the spectrum. But you have been kind of 'pulled' along it a bit because of meeting (and having sex with) this very attractive woman.

A lot of persons would describe you as 'bisexual'. But I am not sure that term is helpful. You see, in another few years, depending on how things go, you could be exclusively a lesbian, or exclusively heterosexual.

The main subject that concerns me is your family. You have two beautiful children, and a husband whom you say that you love. It would be crazy to let these three happy relationships be ruined because of your affair with this woman.

I must warn you that if you continue your physical relationship with her, you may fall in love, and that would make your situation even more complex and difficult to deal with.

Now I mean no disrespect to the other woman, but I do think that for the sake of your family, you should break off the relationship right away. I suggest you do not go to her house anymore. In fact, it would be advisable to avoid meeting her at all.

That may seem harsh. But my experience has been that it is nearly impossible for a wife to maintain a happy sexual relationship with her husband and another person - whether the 'other person' is male or female.


Prolonging the Viagra effect

Q. My doctor prescribed Viagra for me. It works OK, but its effect does not last long enough - particularly on evenings when my wife has been badly delayed at work.

Any suggestions?

A. Yes. Ask your own doctor if he will switch you to a next tablet called 'Cialis' (also known as 'tadalafil').

This works in much the same way as Viagra, but its effects last much longer than Viagra.


What happens if 'The Ring' comes out?

Q. I am a married woman, and for several weeks now, I having been using something called a 'vaginal ring' contraceptive.

But my husband is a large guy, and on several occasions, his organ has somehow pulled out the ring, so that it emerges round the base of his penis.

What can I do, Doc? When this happens, am I at risk of pregnancy?

A. The hormone which is contained in the vaginal ring is a good form of contraceptive, though it has much the same possible side-effects as the Pill.

But it can be displaced, particularly by a partner's fingers. This is not a disaster! If it happens, you should proceed as follows:

• If the ring is outside the vagina for less than three hours, no harm. All you should do is to wash it in cool water and then replace it.

• If for some reason it is outside the vagina for more than three hours, then you may be at risk of pregnancy. Once again, you should wash it and then replace it. But you should take your own doctor's advice as to what further precautions are necessary during the rest of your cycle.


Is this an STI?

Q. My wife has been away with relatives for a few days, so, I went with a woman who lives in a nearby town, and who is a sort of 'part-time professional.'

Now I feel pain when I urinate, and a watery discharge on the inside of my pants. Do you think I have an infection?

A. Yes. You probably have either gonorrhoea ('the clap') or chlamydia. You must go and see a doctor for some tests. Take a fresh specimen of urine with you, in a very clean container.

Until you have been successfully treated, please do not have sex with your wife. It is important to avoid giving the infection to her.