Wed | May 12, 2021

Dear Doc: Am I secretly gay?

Published:Monday | February 29, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am a guy who has had a really unpleasant and shocking experience. So I wonder if you could help me? I am 34, happily married. My wife is lovely and a very sexy woman.

Unfortunately, I let another guy at work persuade me to arrange a foursome, involving our wives and ourselves.

I was very into the idea because his wife is a fantastic-looking woman. She is a little older than my spouse and I, but she is in great shape.

To be honest with you, Doc, I could not wait to get my hands on her. As for my wife, she quite liked my colleague, so she was easily persuaded into it.

We all discussed the details and we agreed that the 'big night' would be at their place one Saturday evening. When we got there, my colleague and his wife were well dressed. She was wearing a sexy red dress with a plunging neckline. My wife looked very good as well.

We had a few drinks and some snacks, which they had prepared, then we got down to business. Everybody took off their clothes, and we danced together and had some more drinks.

I was smooching with my friend's wife he was 'necking' with my wife. Everything seemed to be going well.

The next two hours were a bit of a blur. I know that I penetrated the other woman several times, though I took care not to orgasm. I also remember seeing my colleague having intercourse with my wife for quite a long time.

Around 10 p.m., we all kind of piled into a heap on the bed. I suppose it was like an orgy. There were all kinds of things going on, especially between the two women. I admit I was really turned on.

However, suddenly something dreadful happened. Both my colleague and I were trying to penetrate my wife. By the way, she was totally happy about this. She seemed to like the idea of two men almost 'fighting' for her.

Then to my horror, my genitals accidentally touched the other guy's. I was disgusted by that, so I pulled away. I lost my erection immediately. In fact, I went outside and was sick. The worst thing was that just after all this, I think he orgasmed.

Neither of the women seemed upset by what had happened, but I felt terrible! As soon as possible, I got my wife to put on her clothes and we left.

Since then, I have been feeling very depressed. I have not discussed it with my spouse, but she knows I am unhappy.

Doctor, I would like to ask you three things:

1. Does this most unfortunate contact indicate that my colleague is secretly a homosexual?

2. Or am I perhaps secretly gay?

3. Could I have caught anything from the other guy?

A: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Several times I have warned about the psychological ill-effects which can result from 'threesomes' and 'foursomes'.

You have become unhappy - possibly even clinically depressed - as a result of the fact that your penis seems to have touched another man's organ during your adulterous frolics.

Incidentally, female readers may be astonished by your distress. But, in fact, quite a lot of men do react negatively to any form of contact with another man's penis. I recently discovered that in the United States, there are a few 'swingers' clubs where they actually arrange counselling for men who have accidentally touched another man's organ.

In fact there is an 'orgy society' in Florida, which warns new members that this sort of contact might occur while two men are trying to have sex with the same woman. Their website says that this is nothing to get distressed about. That is correct.

Now let me try and answer your three questions:

1. I don't think there is the slightest evidence that your colleague is a homosexual. This was obviously an accidental contact. The fact that he may have 'discharged' shortly afterwards means nothing.

2. I do not believe for a moment that you are 'secretly gay'. To put it mildly, your entire story seems to be highly heterosexual.

3. It is unlikely that you have 'caught anything' from this brief contact with the other man's organ.

However, you have had sex with his wife and, if she is a regular 'swinger,' then there has to be a possibility that she might have had germs in her vagina. If in doubt, see a doctor for some tests.

My advice: Talk to your wife about what happened. Stop worrying. If you are still having these 'low' feelings, see a counsellor. And, please, do not do a foursome ever again!


Vaginal bleeding after sex

Q: Doctor, I am a married woman in my mid-30s. For the last four months, I have had a little bit of vaginal bleeding, soon after sex. Does this matter?

A: Yes! All women should pay attention to this very important information.

If a woman over the age of 25 keeps bleeding after sexual intercourse, that usually indicates that she has a problem with the cervix. That problem can be serious.

To be blunt, persistent 'post-coital bleeding' can often be a symptom of cancer of the cervix. So you must see a doctor right away, and do an examination including a Pap Smear. Do not delay.


I am thinking of doing a vasectomy

Q: On my next visit to England, I am thinking of doing a vasectomy.

But can you answer one question? After a vasectomy, does the guy still produce man-fluid?

A: Yes, he does.


Dealing with recurring yeast in fection

Q: I am a 32 year mother of one, and, every so often, I get a yeast infection. It goes away and it comes back. I have taken meds but it still recurs.

Please help.

A: Sorry to hear about this. First thing you should do is to get tests to confirm whether it is really yeast. It is easy for other vaginal infections to mimic this condition.

Once it has been proven that you really do have yeast, the main possible treatments include

• Clotrimazole cream and/or vaginal pessaries.

• Fluconazole oral capsules.

Also, when yeast keeps recurring it is essential to treat the woman and her partner with a good anti-yeast cream.


Where did I get chlamydia?

Q: On a visit to Kingston I had sex with a young woman. Now I have chlamydia! But I am being treated. Do you think I caught it from her?

A Very likely, especially if she was a 'professional'. If you are able to contact her, you should tell her she needs treatment for chlamydia.

Any other sex partners you may have should also be treated.


Alternatives to the Pill

Q: I am 39 years old and my doctor wants me to come off the Pill. What alternatives are there?

A: There are now around 15 alternatives, including the mini-Pill, the Implant, the Shot, the IUD, the IUS, the cap and the diaphragm. Also, there is sterilisation. You could always use condoms (male or female).