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Doctor's' advice - Do her boyfriend's hormones cause his infidelity?

Published:Saturday | January 2, 2010 | 12:00 AM

  • Q. My boyfriend's behaviour is disgraceful! I thought I could trust him, but I can't. I met him a year ago, and we fell in love immediately. I thought that we would be sexually faithful to each other for life. But six months ago, I discovered that he had a 'one night stand' in Port Antonio. He promised me that it 'all meant nothing', and that he would never do it again.

    However, he has. My friends have been keeping an eye on him, and they have reported to me that he has recently had affairs with three other girls. When I spoke to him about these accusations, he admitted that they were all true. But he said that it was not his fault, and that his male hormones MADE him do it.

    Could this be true, doc? And how could I get his hormones tested? Finally, is there a medicine which would FIGHT those hormones?

    A. Well, let me first say that testosterone is a male sex hormone, which is manufactured by the testicles, and also by the adrenal glands, which are located near the kidneys.

    It travels round the body in the bloodstream, and has various effects. Among these are:

  • It makes the muscles bigger and stronger;
  • It promotes the growth of the beard and, to some extent, of the body hair;
  • It deepens the voice;
  • It tends to make the skin 'spotty';
  • It makes a man think about sex!
  • It also tends to make him more aggressive.
  • Often, it gives him a powerful desire to WIN!

    You can now see why so many outstanding sportsmen are described as 'testosterone-fuelled'. And you can understand how some successful athletes have a little bit of difficulty in keeping their pants on!

    Now, I wish I could tell you that male infidelity was all a simple matter of the level of this hormone. But life is more complex than that.

    You have to consider factors like how a guy was brought up, what he learned from his education, what the pressures on him are, whether he really loves his girl, and so on.

    For instance, there are many young men who have high testosterone readings, but who were brought up by their family in a very moral or very religious way, and who try their best to avoid promiscuity and unfaithfulness. Such guys do often manage to control their sexual conduct successfully, and one must applaud them for it!

    Similarly, there are quite a few young males who have fairly low testosterone levels, yet who behave foolishly, and who keep getting girls pregnant, and spreading venereal disease around.

    They may do that kind of thing because they were not brought up with enough moral sense, or because there are 'peer pressures' on them, or because they were not brought up to respect women, or maybe because they have alcohol or drug problems which are blurring their judgement.

    So male sex behaviour is certainly NOT all a simple question of testosterone level! A guy can 'override' the drive provided by his testosterone. But it is quite likely that in this case your boyfriend has (at the very least) a FAIRLY high testosterone reading.

    It might well be that it is in the range between 20 and 29 units, which covers the uppermost 'slice' of the male population.

    However, what would you achieve if you actually got a doctor to test his blood testosterone level? Not a lot! The doc is not going to give him FEMALE hormones, to try to 'damp down' his sexual urges. The danger of side effects would be too great.

    To be frank, I feel that your best course is to accept that at the moment, this young man is having real trouble in controlling his sexual urges. Maybe you should say, 'Well he is incapable of being faithful to me, so I should find someone more mature and responsible'. Whatever you do, I think it would be real unwise for you to marry this guy who insists on behaving in such a damaging and hurtful way.

  • Q. Doc, my wife is a real passionate lady. We have been married for six months, and our sex life is great. But one thing about her puzzles me. Whenever we are making love, I notice that she keeps grasping her own breasts and squeezing them. Is she abnormal? And does this action mean that she has lesbian tendencies?

    A. No, she is NOT abnormal. And there is not the slightest reason to think that she has 'lesbian tendencies'.

    The fact is that during sexual activity, many women stroke or squeeze their own breasts. Very often, they do not even know that they are doing it. This is just one of the many instinctive responses of the human female to sexual stimulation. Some women may put a hand on their own genitals. Others may stroke their own buttocks. Many others touch their nipples. So your wife is perfectly normal, and you have no need to fret about her. It is good to hear that your marriage is going so well.

  • Q. I am a 19-year-old female, and do not know a lot about sex. Three weeks back, I allowed a boy to put himself inside me, for just 10 seconds. So far, I have not seen my menses, doc! Could I be pregnant, even though I only had sex for such a short time?

    A. I am afraid that this is possible. Many young people think that 'just doing it for a short time couldn't do any harm.' But they are wrong. On the other hand, this delay in your menses might be due to fretting about whether you are pregnant. The mind can do that!

    My advice: get a pregnancy test done right away.

  • Q. I am a guy of 26, and I hope to get married soon. When I was younger, I led a pretty crazy life, sometimes having full sex with maybe five-six girls for the week. I did not use any condoms or anything, doc. Well, I am now quite ashamed of those days. But the strange thing is that despite everything I did, I never got anyone pregnant. I cannot explain why. Doctor, do you think I am a 'mule'? I hope to give my wife babies when we get married. But do you think I will be able to?

    A. Well, if you really did 'go all the way' with all those young women, orgasming inside them without using a condom, then it is indeed rather puzzling that you have never become a babyfather. So I would suggest that you go to a doctor and have a good check-up of the genitals. This should include tests for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), in view of your past history of promiscuity. But I think that you should also ask the doc to fix up a 'sperm count test' for you. That will go a long way towards establishing whether you are sterile or not.