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Let's talk ... life

Published:Saturday | January 2, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson, Contributor

  • Miscarriage

    Dear counsellor,

    I am 35 and lost a pregnancy when I was 21. I don't think I have recovered as yet as I am still grieving.


    Dear Sonia,

    Happy New Year.

    Many women have had the experience of losing a pregnancy. Grieving is a lifelong experience and the memories of the event will remain. However, as time passes, the pain will lessen and precious memories will remain.

    There are many medical reasons why the fetus or embryo dies and sometimes it is because the fetus is abnormal. The event can be very traumatic for couples who have been trying to have children. Whenever loved ones die we grieve our losses. People mourn the possibilities and their failed expectations. They get angry, sad, bewildered and frustrated. People often wonder why they are the ones who have a pregnancy. Many things in life are beyond our control.

    You need to go forward with your life and make the best of your situations. Treasure your precious memories of that pregnancy.

    You may need the help of a therapist to help you cope.

  • Can't let go of the bottle
  • Dear counsellor,

    I am an alcoholic and it is difficult for me to quit. My family has ostracised me and my wife is threatening to divorce me. I need some help.


    Dear James,

    Alcoholism is a condition in which relapses are common and individuals may feel challenged. The challenges can be overcome with support and supervision. You need to join Alcoholic Anonymous, which will provide you with a sponsor. The sponsor will provide you with support, encouragement and supervision. Many people have been able to be abstinent by joining Alcoholic Anonymous. It will be good to detoxify at a rehabilitation centre. Whenever an alcoholic stops drinking suddenly, his body goes into a reaction called delirium tremens and he will need medical assistance to deal with this.

    You will need rehabilitation to help you cope with a life of abstinence from alcohol. Many people take alcohol to help them cope with life challenges. Sometimes they may be depressed or anxious and the alcohol causes them to be numb to the problems. Individual counselling, couples therapy and family therapy will be needed. There are support groups for children and spouses.

    The family is important in the life of an alcoholic. The members of the family are affected by the behaviour of the alcoholic and sometimes the alcoholic patient is isolated and ignored because of this. Alcohol is legal and easily available and alcoholics find it challenging to remain abstinent. It is possible to be abstinent with God's help and the support of others. You will need help in learning new ways of coping with life and behaviour changes will also be necessary.

    Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson, Tel: 9788602, email: yvonniebd@ hotmail.com