Tue | Feb 7, 2023

Dear Counsellor - Love, sex & marriage

Published:Tuesday | January 5, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Q. I am a student of a prominent university about to graduate later this year with a bachelor's in computer science.I am a Christian and this is first and foremost in my life.However, not many people have similar beliefs I have about sex.I feel marriage is the only context in which sex should take place. I have previously engaged in sexual intercourse but I am now abstaining from sexual intimacy until I am married. Surprisingly, I went to a party over the holidays and apparently, I had too much to drink and, I also had sex with a boy I admire but not love.Will I find a man who shares my attitude towards sex?

A. Congratulations on pursuing tertiary education as a young lady.You are very privileged and in the minority in this country as a female.I wish you success in completing your studies and I hope you will create a job or find a job when you have finished your studies.

You are also in a minority position of believing that the proper context for sexual intercourse is marriage where persons are in a long-term, publicly committed relationship.This age has often being described as the information age but, based on society's obsession with sex, this era could be described as the age of sex.There was never a time when sex has been more openly flaunted with so many persons obviously obsessed with the subject.Today, in the media, music and movies, we are incessantly stimulated by sex-saturated salacious news and entertainment. Sexual content is not only blatantly displayed, but objects that have no sexuality are labelled as sexy — from cars, calendars to computers.

However, even the Ministry of Health, a government agency, has infomercials encouraging young people to abstain from sexual intercourse.Those advertisements encourage young people to engage in other activities and not yield to peer pressure.

A gift from God

I hope that when you say that you cannot find many men who believe that sex in marriage is the proper context that does not include fellow Christian men. The Bible bears witness that sex is a gift from God and a very good gift. It was given for the continuance of the human race. It was designed as the most erotic way a husband and a wife can express passionate love. It is a means of giving oneself completely and totally in love. It expresses solidarity with the one who is loved. It is merging of two bodies to become one flesh and one mind and of one accord, concerning the will of God for the couple's lives. It is a means to develop intimacy and to give and get pleasure.For the Christian, it is a means to glorify God, the giver of sex. So, as a Christian, you have the correct and wholesome attitude towards sex. Having sex with someone is a big decision and commitment and should be exclusive and marriage is ideal.

There are some men who feel that once you have a sexual intercourse, then you should not hold out on them. However, you have the right to abstain from sex even after you have engaged in it. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into sexual intercourse. As you have discovered, alcohol intake above your tolerance level can distort you judgement and facilitate you engaging in activities that you would not under normal circumstances.

Marriage is a serious lifelong commitment and you need to find someone who shares your core values concerning sexual relationships.In addition, you need to decide which other values are of paramount importance to you. There are persons who admire your sexual values and you need to be patient as you search for that person or that person becomes attracted to you.

Email counsellor at: editor@gleanerjm.com.