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Doctor's:Advice: Embarrassed by dry spell

Published:Saturday | February 6, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Q I am a 22-year-old. I have fantastic control during sex. I cannot relate to stories of guys who have premature ejaculation, and who can only have sex for a couple of minutes. In my case, I can easily continue for many hours. This has made me popular with women. I have always been able to go on for a long time. Indeed, last year I had sex with an older foreign woman, and I made love to her all night. She was so appreciative that she gave me quite a lot of money the following morning. She said that never before had she met a guy who could carry on having sex for six or seven hours, without climaxing. Well, Doc, I know that sounds fine. But the fact is that now I am getting a little fed up with it! It is kind of embarrassing that I simply cannot discharge when I am with a woman. I recently got engaged to a beautiful girl. We love each other. But she cannot understand why I don't discharge while we are together. In fact, she is not pleased, because she feels that somehow I am dissing her by not discharging inside her. Also, we both want to have a baby shortly after we get married. At the moment, I cannot see that happening. I should explain that I can orgasm when I'm on my own. However, when I am with a girl, I just cannot relax enough to do it.

A Well, you have got the third most common male sexual problem. It is known by three different names: delayed ejaculation, retarded ejaculation; ejaculatory incompetence.

If you type any of these names into your search engine, you will find a mass of information about the condition. Basically, guys like you tend to have very good control, and find it difficult to unwind.

Such men find it especially difficult to relax and climax in the presence of someone else. This makes it nearly impossible for them to discharge while inside a woman.

Therefore, they tend to go on and on, having sex for hours and hours, without ever orgasming.

This is a psychological condition, so you need help from a psychologist, therapist or counsellor. What these professionals often do is follow this five-point plan:

1. The couple are encouraged to talk about the problem.

2. The guy is encouraged to try climaxing in a room next to where his partner is.

3. Over the next few weeks, he is advised to try orgasming as he gets closer and closer to the woman.

4. At the end of this time, he is told to try climaxing in the same bed she is in.

5. She is then asked to practise putting him inside just before he orgasms.

This complex procedure usually takes several months. When it is completed, there is a good chance the guy will become comfortable enough to climax inside his partner's vagina.

This enables the two of them to enjoy a normal sex life and have children.

Note: In a few cases, the man's inability to reach orgasm is actually linked to some drug or medication that he is taking. But that does not seem to apply in your case.

Q Is it true that a girl can contract a bad infection from tampons?

A Yes, if she does not follow the hygiene instructions which are on the leaflets supplied in tampon packets.

In particular, it is vital to wash your hands before inserting and removing a tampon. Also, you must not leave one inside for longer than the instructions on the leaflet specify.

Q I am a 17-year-old boy who is still a virgin. I don't know much about sex. Is it true that when I finally manage to have sexual intercourse, it will break my foreskin?

A No, that is not correct. However, in some teenage males, there are little bands called adhesions which bind the foreskin to the penis. Sexual activity eventually breaks these adhesions so that the foreskin is less restricted.

As a result, it may then be slightly longer than before.

Can I stress that all of this is painless, and nothing to fret about? It is a natural thing.

Q I am a female college student. On a recent visit to Florida, I somehow got kind of seduced by an older woman one night. Should I undergo an AIDS test, Doc?

A Well, it is rare for any kind of female-female activity to give anyone the HIV virus.

However, in view of what has happened, it would be prudent to get a check-up, including tests for infections.

May I suggest that you avoid this older woman in the future?

Q I am 24, and have been thinking about getting myself a coil. What effect does it have on menses?

A Good question. The coil, or IUD (short for intra-uterine device), does tend to make periods:



Sometimes more painful.

However, bear in mind that there is also the modern, hormone-loaded intra-uterine device. This is often known as IUS (short for intra-uterine system'), or Mirena.

It contains a special hormone that actually makes periods:



Sometimes less painful.

As well as providing contraception, it also makes menses more bearable.

Q Unfortunately, I managed to have sex with two boys this month, and now I am pregnant. How could I tell which is the babyfather?

A Unfortunately, you cannot at the moment.

When the baby is born, you could arrange paternity tests, provided both guys agree to that.

Q Doc, is it OK to have sex with my wife while she is pregnant?

A Generally, it is quite safe, unless the doc or midwife has said that there is some special medical reason why intercourse should not take place.

Q My baby has eczema. Is that infectious, Doc?

A No. It is a very common skin condition, usually caused by an inherited tendency to allergy.

So no one can 'catch' it from your child.

Q I am an 18-year-old man, and, from time to time, I have night-time dreams in which there is some homosexual activity. Do you think I am gay, Doc?

A No, I do not. In fact, many young people do have occasional dreams in which all sorts of crazy sexual activity takes place.

For instance, only last week I saw a female patient who had dreamed that she was having sex with a polar bear!

There is a lot to be said for simply paying no mind to such nonsensical dreams.

Email questions for Doc to saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com.