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Wanted: a lover for Valentine's Day

Published:Sunday | February 14, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

Cupid has long played a role in the celebrations of love and lovers. Couples have special needs for Valentine's Day and each partner will try to satisfy those needs as best as possible. However, some needs are not articulated, probably out of not wanting to hurt the feelings of a partner, but it is a desire that would make any Valentine's Day special. There are special needs. That desire is one of an intimate nature - really wanting lovemaking that is creative, exciting and memorable.

It is natural for every lover to want more intimacy and creativity, desiring something new and different, especially in maturing relationships.

Cupid was a mischievous, winged child, whose arrows would pierce the hearts of his victims, causing them to fall deeply in love. This means that lovers should have the love weapon to capture the heart of their mates.

It takes two to tango in creating that new and different sexual experience. You may be inventive by living out your sexual fantasies. Couples should avoid the routine patterns of sexual intimacy integrating the physical, spiritual and emotional elements. At the level of mastery, you and your partner feel more connected and you feel elevated in your self-esteem.


To create new experiences, you have to look beyond the bedroom and create and utilise new settings which will influence the way you respond to sexual overtures by your partner. New locations for making love will help you to be more creative. It means taking risks to enrich your sexual experience. Outlook asked some lovers about risqué sex practices. Responses about creative lovemaking included:

Making love in the backyard.

Making love in the car at the drive-in theatre.

Making love on the kitchen table while cooking dinner.

Giving my husband oral sex under the desk at his office (the couple works together).

Having sex in the sea.

Making out in the aircraft on a long flight.

Making out in the children's swing.

Intimate prelude

This is known as foreplay and its importance to satisfactory lovemaking cannot be overemphasised. This can provide sexual satisfaction, even without orgasms, and will also enrich orgasm, if they are reached. Exploration of the erogenous zones over the body leads to arousal. Women like to be loved all over and men need to find ways to give them that satisfaction. Using the five senses, both partners should see, touch, taste, smell and hear each other. This will lead to closeness and a memorable climax.

Step into the bathroom

If you have a bathtub, set the water with oils and scented body wash and create a sexy mood with candles and soft music. As both of you soak in the bath and enjoy the romantic mood, you may want to try underwater oral sex. You may have to come up for air frequently if you cannot swim. You can make love in the tub which, coupled with the water, can help you get into some creative positions. If you do not have a tub, you can shower together and enjoy the slipperiness of body wash and oils. The standing position for sex can be easily accommodated in the shower. Be sure to have a large warm, soft towel to wrap you both when you come out of the water.

Living room entertaining

If you are alone at home, you my cuddle up and watch an adult movie on your home entertainment centre. This would create the mood for lovemaking and you may enjoy the fluff of your carpet or rug or you may find that curves of the stuffed armchairs offer padded surfaces for sex. The arms of a chair provide the perfect resting place for your legs during intercourse.


Take a hint if you get a hassock for Valentine's Day. Your hassock is wonderful for the classic Yab-yum position in tantric sex where both partners are in an upright position making the man's penis more upright for clitoral and G-spot stimulation. In the Yab-yum sexual position, the woman straddles the man as he sits cross-legged on the floor in the lotus position. He might have cushions under his knees for support and comfort, especially if he wants to maintain the position for more than a few minutes. Alternatively, he might sit on a straight-backed chair and she will climb on top. The lovers face each other with eyes open and harmonise their breathing.

House arrest

Some couples will send children away for the weekend and decide to be homebound and will come to appreciate the home more having explored and discovered the nooks and crannies for what possibilities they offer in sexually exciting each other.

Create a romantic dinner

Plan a home-cooked meal for two for Valentine's Day. Write a formal invitation to your spouse to join you for an intimate meal. You may want to include edible underwear as an indication of what is in store for mealtime. Be sure to include chocolate and strawberries. If you choose to make dinner with your spouse and you are so moved to make love in the kitchen, remember to turn off the stove.

Give an oral treat at work

Depending on the layout of your partner's office, you may orally excite your partner while he or she is sitting at the desk. Be sure that he or she is not entering sensitive data into the computer. Oops! That data could fall under erotic influence, and who knows what may come out at the other end.

Nature's treat

According to the Kama Sutra, couples should watch animals mate and take keen notes of the tactics and positions used. Plan a picnic and visit the zoo or animal farm and then head back home and try out new lovemaking techniques of the tigers, monkeys and even the snakes. It is even more exciting to practise roaring and growling, which should make for a more pleasing orgasm.

Try new positions

To avoid boredom in the bedroom, it is advisable to vary mutual-orgasm sexual positions and build a repertoire of sex positions. Even if you have a favourite position, do not use it every time you make love. With good communication, both of you will know when and what position to change. Intimacy is about openness and trust, which will allow you to feel a heart-to-heart connection with your partner for lovemaking ecstasy.

Make a love swing

A love swing can be easily made in your backyard using a rope hanging from a tree. Love swings are wonderful for helping train men in better ejaculation mastery, and they add real fun and exploration to the act of making love.

Happy Valentine's Day, filled with exploration and creativity between lovers. Think outside the box and create your own world, enjoying what really works for you and your spouse.