Fri | Sep 17, 2021

Being 'that guy'

Published:Monday | February 22, 2010 | 12:00 AM

You're good enough to help carry the books, run the errands and talk to about their problems. But becoming the boyfriend? Not going to happen!

Yep, you're 'that guy', the (sort of) friend although, technically, you feel like more of a butler. This cul-de-sac has bothered many a 'nice guy' for centuries. Sure, the women seem to love having you around, but you're never going to get over that hump into the coveted 'boyfriend land'. The apologetic misses will tell you 'you're not my type' or other such things to let you down easy when you do inquire. In some men's eyes, all women do it.

"Women, especially the young ones, love to feel noticed, and that's your role," reasons Michael. "That doesn't mean you're going to get anything, but you serve a purpose. You soothe their ego." Of course, most people may ask the men, "if you know you're not going to get anywhere though, why bother?"

"Quite frankly, you're in a no-win situation. If you don't do stuff for them, you're the world's worst human being. If you do hang around, you end up being 'that guy', which really gets you nowhere," says Roger. "So you simply have to decide which of the two evils you can better live with." But is being 'that guy' all negative?

"Yes!" says Fitz emphatically. "There's no good side. Let's put it this way, if their boyfriends were constantly by their sides, they wouldn't ask him to do it (run errands) every time." Coreyis not so dismissive.

"It depends on the character of the girl. She might be appreciative and allow you a little one touch!"

So how do you stop being 'that guy'?

Learn how to say no
- If playing 'butler' is really going to put you out, or if you just don't feel like it, don't. If the femme is a real friend, she'll understand.

Be prepared for the doghouse
- Chances are the first sign that you seem to be 'changing' will make somebody unhappy. But, like we said, it's a no-win situation.

Branch out
- Find other people to hang out with. The woman who sees you as more than a friend may be a social-networking site hook-up away.