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Shhh...I won't tell

Published:Monday | March 1, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Nashauna Drummond, Lifestyle Coordinator

They say 'honesty is the best policy' and in relationships that is key. But should we tell our partner everything? Or should we keep some of our deep dark secrets, and are there some things we should never tell our partner?

Keeping secrets can sometimes damage a relationship but some persons believe that there are some things that, if their partner knew, it could also damage the relationship.

Sexologist and family therapist Dr Sydney McGill, disagrees. "It is deception. Your partner has a perception of you that is not entirely accurate. You are not who you really are." However, he notes that it depends on how deep the individual wants the relationship to be, as the secret will always be a barrier between the couple preventing them from achieving a deeper level of intimacy.

He notes that some persons may be comfortable with a surface level of intimacy that a relationship with secrets affords.

A supporter of 'honesty is the best policy', McGill notes that you need to use your discretion as to when and where you disclose that secret. "You need to know if your partner can handle the truth, but work towards disclosing it at some point. Then allow them to grieve and mourn the loss of an image they had of you. You owe it to them."

However, there are some persons, both male and female, who believe that there are some things you probably should never tell your partner.


I slept with her mother

If I think her friend is attractive

I'm addicted to porn

I checked her cellphone

I really don't like her parents

I don't like her cooking

I communicate with my ex on a regular basis

I kissed a female friend but the friendship wasn't spoiled.


Anything my ex did better

I slept with his father

I cheated

I was born a man

The child is not his

I had an abortion

My ex gave me an STD

At the end of the day, some of these secrets do come out. But it's all up to you.

What should you never tell your partner? We will keep your secret at