DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Finding her G-spot

• Q.  Doctor, I am wondering if knowing about the G-spot could help my sex life? I am a happily married woman of 33, and I love my husband very much. He loves me too, and we have always been faithful to each other.

Our sex life is pretty good, but there are times when I do not feel very sexy, and that can make him a little mad with me. Also, sometimes it takes a little while for me to get turned on. Although I usually have multiple orgasms, there are nights when I am very slow in getting there. Mostly, this is when I am very tired. You see, I have a job that keeps me very busy during the day.

I have been reading about the G-spot, and so has my husband. It sounds like magic, and I am wondering if a knowledge of it would make my sex life a lot better? Can you please advise?

A.  I must warn you that many myths are written about the G-spot. It is not a 'magic' place. And I have never known a case where a couple's sex life was revolutionised through knowledge of it.

Nevertheless, some women do enjoy being stimulated in this region, and that stimulation can sometimes make reaching orgasm easier.

I must begin by telling you that there is still quite a bit of debate about whether the G-spot actually exists! Very recently, some English researchers published a paper in which they claimed there was no real evidence for its existence. Then in January, some French gynaecologists published an article saying that it definitely does exist.

Anyway, the indisputable fact is that there is an area about halfway up the front wall of the vagina which is very sensitive. Some women enjoy when its stimulated, others do not. Some actually say it gives them the urge to urinate.

It has been claimed by some American researchers that pressure in the area of the G-spot can produce a different kind of orgasm, which may or may not be associated with the phenomenon of female ejaculation.

The Italians claim to have identified an area of 'thickening' near the front wall of the vagina, which they say is the G-spot. And it is possible that this thickening is really a sort of root of the clitoris, an organ which has lately been shown to extend far further inwards than doctors previously thought.

Regardless of all that, I think that the obvious thing for you and your husband to do is to try to find out if you have a G-spot, and whether you like pressure on that area.

It is not really possible to stimulate the G-spot during intercourse, as it is slightly round a corner. This means that the penis is unlikely to exercise significant pressure on it.

However, you can now buy special G-spot vibrators. These have a bend in them to go round that corner. But there is really no need to purchase one.

How do you find the spot? You should lie flat on your back. Your partner should then insert a finger gently. Most importantly the palm of his hand must be pointing up.

When the digit is fully inserted, he should then 'crook' his finger, as though making a 'come-here' gesture. This simple move will bring the tip of his finger into contact with the correct part of the front wall of your vagina.

All he needs to do now is to rub it gently with his fingertip. Without doubt, you will experience an unusual sensation, which you may well perceive as being linked to your bladder.

From then on, it is up to you. If you like the sensation, let him know and continue doing it for as long as you like. If you do not like it, let him know.

I am concerned that recently there have been times when things have not gone very well for you and your husband as he sometimes gets 'mad at you'. Obviously, your tiredness is a major factor.

Both of you really need to talk about these incidents, and about the fact that you are so tired. If possible, I would urge the two of you to get some counselling from someone who is experienced in dealing with marital and sexual problems.

• Q.  I am a 27-year-old female, and I am absolutely sure I am a lesbian. I am only interested in women, not men. I would like to live in the United States or in England. Do you know if I would be absolutely safe from prejudice there?

A.  In the case of England, there has never been a law against lesbianism there. Allegedly, this is because no one dared to mention the subject to Queen Victoria!

There is some prejudice against lesbians, but it is much less than it used to be. In every major city, there is a thriving lesbian community. Also, if you want to form a permanent relationship with another woman, you can now take out a legal arrangement known as a civil contract.

In the case of the United States, each of the 50 states has its own legal code. Some Southern states still have some very restrictive laws regarding sexual orientation or practices, but none has a statute that specifically bans lesbianism.

You will find that in places like New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles, lesbianism attracts far less abuse and prejudice than it once did. Civil unions between women are recognised in some states, particularly in the north, and same-sex marriages are recognised in at least eight states. If you check the Internet, you will find a great deal of material about which cities are likely to be gay-friendly.

• Q.  How soon after having sex can a man experience symptoms of gonorrhoea?

A.  Generally within about five days after exposure.

• Q.  I am a 35-year-old female, and I have found a wonderful new man. He is fantastic in bed, and I am now having up to six orgasms in one evening.  Will this hurt me?

A.  Not at all. Just enjoy your good fortune.

• Q.  I am a 37-year-old man and a friend has suggested that my sex life would be better if I got circumcised.  Is he right?

A.  Unless you have some serious problem with your foreskin, it is unlikely that circumcision would help your sex life.

• Q.  I am a 39-year-old woman. I recently had sex for the first time in five years. Now I have pain when I urinate. Why?

A.  You probably have cystitis. Take a specimen of your urine to a doctor so that it can be tested.

Email questions and comments to editor@gleanerjm.com. You may also read Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.