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DOCTOR'S ADVICE: My young lover

Published:Sunday | April 18, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Q Doctor, I am a mature woman but I have taken a very young lover.

I am divorced, and I passed menopause sometime ago. But I remain very interested in romance and sex. I have two grown children but am no longer in touch with them.

About six months ago, I met a handsome and charming young man. I have to admit that he is young enough to be my son. But despite that, he showed interest in me. I invited him to my house for a drink and a meal. And before I knew what was happening, I was kissing him.

Soon after that, we started sleeping together. You may not approve of it, Doctor, but the fact is his lovemaking made me feel happy and fulfilled. For the moment, everything is fine but there are a few things I would like to ask you.

First, could I still get a sexually transmitted infection at my age? I would hate it if he gave me anything like that.

Second, are there any health dangers in having such a vigorous and active sex life at my age? And finally, do you think that one day he will leave me?

A Well, in recent years, there has been a tendency in many parts of the world for more mature women to take 'toy boy' lovers, so you are not alone in your course of action.

I cannot deny that these relationships have brought happiness to quite a few women over the age of 50, particularly in the field of show business! Admittedly, some of those 'spring/autumn' couples do not last but that is how life is.

Turning to the queries in your email, for the first one, yes, you can get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) at your age.

In a number of countries, rates of STI among persons over 50 have increased in recent times, mainly because older people don't always realise that they can still catch infections.

In your case, the big danger would occur if your toy boy decided to 'play away'. So tell him that you expect him to be faithful! I also think you should use condoms whenever you have sex.

As to your second question, vigorous sex at your age will definitely not harm you.

And finally, my experience does suggest that this happens in many cases. But he may not. And there is certainly a possibility that you will be able to keep this relationship going for many years.

Another possibility is that you might eventually meet and fall in love with a man your age. Who knows?

You have noted that you went through menopause sometime ago. But do bear in mind that pregnancies do occasionally occur after menopause. Some experts think that it is a good idea for a woman to use contraception until two years after the change of life.

I wish you well.

Q Is it possible to catch mumps through sex?

ANo. But the mumps virus can be transmitted by kissing. That is why the disorder is common among university and college students.

Q I am a 32-year-old man and I'm planning to get married to a wonderful woman later this year.

But when I was 18, I had gonorrhoea. It was treated by a good doctor. Can I assume that it would be safe for me to get married, and that there would be no risk to my partner?

AAs I am sure you know, gonorrhoea ('the clap') is very common. But if the person is given adequate treatment, he or she will be cured.

Therefore, I would say that you should be OK. But why not have a brief check-up from a doctor, just in case?

Q I am about to get married, and my husband-to-be thinks I am a virgin, but I am not. Will he be able to detect this fact when we sleep together?

AUnless he is a gynaecologist, it will be almost impossible for him to tell whether you are a virgin or not.

The only thing that might 'give you away' is that most virgins do produce a drop or two of blood when they have sex for the first time.

May I say that I am not very happy about you deceiving your fiancé in this fashion. Don't you think it might be best if you told him that you have had sex in the past?

Q I am a 28-year-old man. Do you think I am too young to take Viagra?

AWell, not if you really need it. I presume you have been having problems with 'loss of nature'. I think you should go to a doctor and have some tests done. There may be some simple explanation, such as diabetes or anxiety, that is making it difficult for you to get an erection.

But if the doctor thinks that you need Viagra, he will certainly prescribe it.

Q I am a married woman of 34, and expecting my first child. But when I was younger, I did some pretty crazy things, which I now regret. In particular, when I was 21, I took money from two rich men who both wanted to have sex with me.

I allowed them to do it at the same time, one vaginally and one anally. What I want to know is whether this regrettable incident will cause problems for me when I go into labour?

AUnfortunately, having sex with two men at the same time has been popularised by pornography. I most certainly do not advise women to let men try this with them. It is uncomfortable and painful, and may cause cuts and tears around the anus.

However, if you do not remember sustaining any injuries from the experience, it is likely that your delicate tissues are OK. A midwife could confirm this for you. You should be fine during labour.

Q My wife is 36, and is thinking of going on the mini-Pill.

Is it effective? And could it hurt me?

AThe mini-Pill is extremely effective, provided the woman takes it every single day without fail. It is safer than the ordinary Pill for the health of women over 35.

And no, it cannot hurt you, so you have no need to worry.

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