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Could this affair have given her AIDS ?

Published:Sunday | May 2, 2010 | 12:00 AM

Q Hello, Doc. Twenty-five years ago, I was unfaithful to my husband. He does not know about this and sometimes I think that he would kill me if he found out.

Fortunately, I had the sense to end the relationship with the other man and I have not seen him for a very long time. However, I have just heard that he has died, at quite a young age. I think he was probably around 53. No one seems to know what killed him.

I am sad that he has passed away, but I no longer love him or have real strong feelings for him. What is making me fret is whether he could have died of AIDS?

If so, I would be deeply concerned for my own health, Doc. Presumably I could have picked up HIV through having intercourse with him 25 years ago. We only had 'straight sex', nothing kinky. But we did it quite a few times while my husband was away.

I have not always been too well during the last 25 years. I get a lot of colds and coughs, and my pressure is raised. Sometimes I have low feelings, and also gas. So I am beginning to wonder if I have HIV.

I used to think that a woman could not get HIV from ordinary sex with a man. But my best friend tells me that this is not true.

A Well, your best friend is quite right. Women can catch HIV from vaginal sex. Some people still believe that you can only get it from anal sex, but they are totally wrong.

However, I really think that you are fretting unnecessarily. You had an affair with this guy around 25 years ago. That would be about 1985.

In that year, HIV was only just starting to emerge as a threat to humanity. It is most important for you to realise that the virus was not common in Jamaica at that time.

There were parts of the world where it was becoming common, for instance, Haiti and New York. But in Kingston or Montego Bay, the risk of acquiring it through heterosexual intercourse was small in 1985.

Also, I am pretty sure that if you picked up the virus 25 years ago, you would have known about it by now, because you would probably have had serious illnesses. I can reassure you that the various types of sickness which you have had, such as raised blood pressure, low feelings and gas, are not typical of AIDS.

If you are still fretting, you could easily set your mind at rest by going to a doctor and asking for an HIV blood test. I feel very confident the result will be negative.

I hope that you can forget all about that affair and get on with enjoying your marriage and the rest of your life.

Q I am a 44-year-old man. Last month, my doctor prescribed Viagra 100mg for me, as I have lost my 'nature'.

It worked well. But on several occasions I have had very odd feelings after taking it. In particular, it seems to give me a headache and a blocked-up nose. Does this indicate that Viagra is too dangerous for me?

A Viagra is a good drug. But a lot of guys don't realise that it often has side effects. The commonest ones are:


A 'full' feeling in the face

Blocked-up nose


Green or blue vision

A faint feeling after jumping out of bed.

Clearly, you are getting two of these symptoms, namely headache and a blocked-up nose. This is nothing to fret about.

However, I suggest that you ask your doctor to reduce your dosage of Viagra from 100mg to 75mg or even 50mg.

Q Doctor, I would like your advice about a delicate matter. I am a 33-year-old woman. I have a boyfriend who is well-off and who says he wants to marry me next year. He is an experienced man and is good in bed.

My problem is that he has a close friend who also finds me attractive. Honestly, Doc, the two men want me to go to bed with them in a threesome. Don't think too badly of me, but I would be willing to consider trying that, just once.

But what is making me fret is this: The two men have suggested to me that they could both have sex with me together. When I asked what they meant, my fiancé told me that it is possible for two men to enter the vagina at the same time.

I am not so sure about that, Doc. Is it really possible? And could it be dangerous to my health?

A Well, I do not wish to condemn other people's sexual lifestyles, but I must say that I regard three-in-a-bed sex as unwise. There is the risk of getting a sex infection, plus the danger of unwanted pregnancy.

Also, people who go in for threesomes quite often run into emotional difficulties involving jealousy and envy. For example, what would happen if you decided that your boyfriend was not as good a lover as his friend? What if you fell in love with the friend?

Regarding your query: yes, this is technically possible, and it is well known that there are photos of that particular activity on the Internet. It could be very painful for some women, but others do not find it too difficult, especially if the vagina is relatively wide as a result of having had several children.

However, I must say that I find it very difficult to understand why your fiancé would want to share you with his friend. I do wonder if perhaps he has some homosexual impulses toward the other man?

Finally, I note that you say that you might try the threesome just once. I am a little doubtful about whether things would work out like that. It seems to me very likely that the two men would want you to go on and on, and get involved in further exotic sexual practices. That does not strike me as a very good basis for a happy marriage.

Q I am 45, and I notice that my menses are getting farther apart. Does this matter? Does it signify any disease, Doc?

A When a woman in her 40s finds that her periods are getting further apart, this often indicates that menopause is fast approaching. But it is nothing to fret about, and is not an indication of any disease.

Q I am a man of 29 and am in a relationship with a very attractive woman of 56. Is there any risk of pregnancy?

A At 56, pregnancy is just possible but very unlikely.

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