God answer Bruce prayers
Carolyn Cooper, Contributor
Bruce, mi son, a no everybody mek fi be prime minister. Trust mi. Mi know yu naa go waan hear dat. But God a God. An mi ha fi talk truth. Yu see di prime minister work? It no easy. No, no, no. A whole heap a problem. Yu ha fi have strong back fi dat deh work. Nuff Irish mash.
Don't yu did study some a Shakespeare play inna yu tapanaaris high school, Jamaica College? By di way, mi see unu fix up di entrance pretty-pretty an put up big-big Latin motto. Unu no know seh Latin dead, dead, dead? A ongle di lawyer dem a heng on pon it fi confuse up dem client.
Anyhow, kip di Latin sake a history. But unu shoulda put up di motto inna English an Jamaican, tu. Mek di schoolboy dem get fi understand di high standard weh unu a set fi dem.
Back to Bredda Shakespeare. Im write one play bout King Henry, number 4. One night, when Henry a batter-batter kyaan sleep, im start write poetry:
How many thousand of my poorest subjects
Are at this hour asleep! O sleep, O gentle sleep,
Nature's soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh by eyelids down
And steep my sense in forgetfulness?
If Henry was a yardie, a dis im woulda seh:
All a di poor people dem inna fi mi constituency
A sleep like baby. Weh mek mi kyaan sleep?
Night nurse, darling, a weh mi do yu
Mek yu a stop mi from sleep?
A frighten mi frighten yu?
Yu suppose fi mek mi eye get dark
An mi just figet everyting an fall asleep.
Shakespeare mek Henry come up wid dis wicked line, 'Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.' Yu kyaan sleep in peace when yu have whole heap a responsibility pon yu head. Worse when yu conscience a bodder yu. Henry did tief di throne from Richard an murder im.
So Bruce, mi son, dis a di first answer to yu prayers. Careful weh yu pray fa; yu mighta get it an don't want it. Pure crosses. An plenty time di lickle work bigger dan di big work. Yu see fi mi son Jesus come pon earth an do carpenter work. An im call himself di 'bread of life'? Dat a fi big up di baker dem. Becau Jesus did know seh bread a sopn fi kip yu alive. So seet deh: better fi be a good baker rather dan a bad prime minister. Ah-oh!
Den yu did pray fi find Dudus. See, yu find im. But mi know yu coulda never did waan find im inna di company a yu fren Al Miller. It look bad, eeh? Parson a harbour wanted man. Bout dem a go a American embassy. Anybody a embassy know seh dem a come? Who dem mek arrangements wid?
An mi hear Tom Tavares-Finson im pon Nationwide a tell Cliff an Carol seh is long time now lawyer a advise wanted man fi beg parson go wid dem a police station fi turn imself in. So is like im no understand wat all di excitement bout. Mi no know how im kyaan see seh police station an US embassy a no di said same destination.
It grieve mi so til when mi hear some a dem parson man a tek mi name in vain. Mi neither call dem nor choose dem. An when dem go up inna pulpit an a tell people bout 'God gi mi message fi gi unu,' mi waan know a which god dem a talk bout. A no mi! One time, mi woulda bun dem up inna big fire. But dese is modern times.
Mi naa bodder wid di fire bun too much nowadays. It no good fi di environment. Dat a Old Testament judgement. An talking bout judgement, unu see dem fire-bun DJ who come een just like dem fire-bun parson! Mi no gi dem no leave an licence fi pass no judgement pon who dem feel like. Mi done tell unu seh a mi a di ongle judge. Di DJ dem fi set fi dem owna house inna order an stop peep-peep inna people bedroom. Dem too fass.
Den mi hear Al Miller a seh im ready fi go a prison. Mout mek fi chat! If a mi did a run Jamaica courthouse, im woulda go a prison fi true. Yu kyaan gwaan like seh yu badder dan di law through yu a parson. Hmnn. An im an Dudus lucky seh a two a di deestant police ketch dem. If it was any a dem odder one, di two a dem woulda dead inna 'shoot-out'. An yu kyaan ship out dead man. End a story.
Bruce, mi son, tek mi foolish advice. Yu ha fi mek up yu mind fi tell di truth, di whole a di truth an ongle di truth bout dis Manatt, Phelps, Phillips an Dudus business. An yu ha fi tell di truth one time. Yu see when di story a come out piece-a piece-a, it no smell good.
Yu kyaan bawl pon people a beg dem forgiveness an dem don't know di whole a wa dem suppose fi a forgive yu fa. It no fair fi expect people fi a forgive yu lickle-lickle, like hire purchase. Yu ha fi just let off everyting one time an done. Yu mek newspaper ha fi a write editorial bout di last set a money weh Manatt, Phelps & Phillips get. An yu still a gwaan like seh a fi Brady im problem an it no ha notn fi do wid di long-time story.
An all di DJ dem a throw word pon yu. Di Seven Star General, L.A. Lewis, im write one tune weh im a diss Beenie Man an a call fi yu name: "Dem seh dem a Moses/But dem a Antichrist/Dem too Brucegoldious/Dem too lie an wicked." Dat no sound good at all, at all.
Bruce, mi son, di crown heavy. It a wear yu down. Why yu don't just tek it off?
Carolyn Cooper, PhD, is a public intellectual specialising in cultural enterprise management. She is founder and director of the Global Reggae Studies Centre, a private sector initiative. Send feedback to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com.