Doctor's advice: Violent in the heat of passion

Q Doc, I am really concerned about my new boyfriend. There are times when he is violent towards me, particularly in bed.

Sometimes when we are having sex, he shouts at me and slaps me on the bottom and breasts. It hurts. Other times, he pinches my skin so that I cry out with pain. He seems to enjoy seeing me suffer.

Often, he likes to discharge just at the moment I am in pain. Afterwards, he laughs at my complaints.

Until now, I have been willing to put up with all this. In recent days, things have got worse. Twice he has hit me in the face. One night, he started squeezing my neck as he discharged.

Is there something wrong with him? Could I help him to get some treatment?

A This guy is what they call a sadist. He sounds very dangerous.

A sadist is a person who gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain. Some sadists just have the condition mildly, and all they want to do is to slap a woman's bottom gently during sex. Often, they will pay prostitutes to let them do this.

Your guy has a bad case of sadism. He has inflicted a good deal of cruelty on you already. You would be justified in going to the police about that.

Now he has got to the stage where he is squeezing your neck while ejaculating. Do you realise this could easily kill you? Indeed, it is fortunate you are still alive.

If you stay with this guy, he will do you all kinds of physical and mental damage. It is very possible you could end up dead.

There is no way you can arrange treatment for him. I doubt if he would even consider any form of therapy.

What you should do is get out of this relationship now. Leave right away and try never to see this dangerous man again.

Q I am a 19-year-old man. To my horror, I have noticed I am bleeding a little from the bottom.

This happens whenever I go out. I checked out that symptom on the Internet and found out that it is often linked to bowel cancer.

Do you think I have that cancer, Doc?

A No. Bleeding from the rectum is indeed a possible sign of bowel cancer, but only in men and women who are much older than you. Bowel cancer is fortunately almost unknown at age 19.

Almost certainly you have piles. Piles, also known as haemorrhoids, are, by far, the commonest cause of rectal bleeding in young men and young women.

Please, consult a doc.

Incidentally, piles is nothing to be worried about. Most people who have piles do not need to undergo an operation. The condition can usually be managed by means of a change in diet, plus the use of anal creams or suppositories. Suppositories are little 'bullets' of soothing medication which one places in the rectum.

Q I am 17 and my clitoris seems very long to me. I am sure this is abnormal.

Do you think if I saw a doctor, he/she would recommend taking an operation to make it shorter?

A I am doubtful whether it is really your clitoris you are looking at. A lot of young women inspect one of the labia ('lips' of the vagina) and wrongly think it is the clitoris.

There are rare occasions when a woman does, indeed, have an abnormally large clitoris, usually because of hormonal problems. It has been years since I saw such a case, so you can guess how uncommon that kind of occurrence is.

I think you should go see a doctor. I'm pretty certain he/she would be able to reassure you.

Q I am 20 years old and have been advised to undergo circumci-sion. I am worried about this. Will it mean that my organ becomes shorter, Doc?

A No. Circumcision does not affect the length of the penis. It merely removes the loose skin.

Make very sure you really do need to take this operation. It is unusual for a 20-year-old to have one. The operation can, occasionally, have unwanted after-effects such as scarring of the penis.

Q I am 19, female and a virgin. I am sure I will never be able to have sex because I have seen pictures of men's organs on the Internet. I know I would never, ever be able to get one of those inside me.

A Such feelings are quite common in young women. The fact is that the vagina is much roomier than you might imagine. It expands during sexual arousal so it can accommodate most sizes of the male organ.

What you should do now is to consult a gynaecologist. He/she can demonstrate to you that your vagina is a lot bigger than you think. She can also teach you to relax the muscles around it.

Remember, there is no hurry to start having sex. You might prefer to remain a virgin for a few more years yet. I am sure when you are ready for intercourse, you will be able to do it.

Q I am a 20-year-old guy. I love girls, who I think are the most wonderful things in the world. Five or six years ago, I got involved in some sort of masturbatory game at school. This wasn't just solo sex, Doc. It always ended up with boys performing masturbation on each other till they orgasmed. Do you think I could be gay?

A I do not think there is the remotest chance you are homosexual. It is time you quit fretting about this silly game that happened when you were 14 or 15.

Q Last month, I got a bad infection in my urinary tract. They called it salpingitis. Things were so serious that the docs had to open up my belly and remove the tube altogether. Will I still be able to have children?

A Salpingitis is an infection of the Fallopian tube. It is caused from germs which are usually transmitted by sex and which spread up from the vagina and through the womb, to the opening of the tube. Usually, it responds well to antibiotics.

In your case, you have had to have the infected Fallopian tube removed surgically. You still have another tube. If that one is okay, you should be able to have children. I wish you well.

Email questions for Doc to saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com. Also read 'Doctor's Advice' every Sunday in the 'Outlook' magazine.