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Doctor's ADVICE: To have, or not to have oral sex ...

Published:Saturday | July 2, 2011 | 12:00 AM

Doctor, I have a boyfriend, but I do not allow him to have intercourse with me because I am scared of getting pregnant! Ideally, Doc, I would like to remain a virgin till I get married. My boyfriend accepts this. But now he is repeatedly asking me to do oral sex instead. He says it would be nice for both of us. But I am not so sure. I don't have any friends who have tried oral sex, and I am wondering if it is a very rare thing. Do many people go for it? Is it a little weird?

First of all, congratulations on staying a virgin. I feel that it is real wise of you, seeing that we live in an era where so many unwanted pregnancies occur, and when so many young people get sex infections.

Now, your boyfriend wants the two of you to go in for oral love play, and you wonder if this is unusual. Obviously, you think it is a little kinky.

To be honest, it is not unusual at all these days. I can remember a time when it was pretty rare in Jamaica, but that is no longer so. Indeed, all over the world, except in Moslem countries, oral sex has become a part of many people's bedroom repertoire.

As proof of this, the authoritative American Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently published the result of a large sex survey. This showed that 90 per cent of adult men and 89 per cent of adult women said they had had experience of oral sex.

And among teenagers, the US researchers found that 48 per cent of males and 45 per cent of females had tried oral sex. Obviously, one would expect the figures in teenagers to be lower than those in adults because the adults have lived longer.

Anyway, it is clear that this is a real common activity nowadays. However, that does not mean that you have to do it. If you do not like the idea, then do not let yourself be pressured into it.

I am 21, and last night I had sex with a girl. Afterwards, I noticed that blood was coming from the end of my organ. It was bright red, Doc, which terrified me. Do you think I have cancer?

It is most unlikely that this symptom is due to cancer, especially at your age. There are various possible reasons why a young man might bleed from his penis. For instance, you may well have suffered a slight injury during sex, but not noticed it.

However, in my experience, the commonest reason for a young male to experience bright red blood loss is the presence of a small genital wart, just inside the urinary opening. These little warts are pretty fragile, and if the penis is rubbed (for instance, during sex), it may often bleed.

So what you must do now is to consult a doctor who can have a good look at your organ and try to see what has caused the bleeding. He may have to send you to a surgeon-specialist (a urologist) to investigate this. But do not fret; I am sure that all will be well.

My fiancé and I use the condom to keep me from getting pregnant. But he always wants to delay putting it on till halfway through sex. Is this Ok, Doc?

No, it is not. Putting it on halfway through is risky. Your fiancé should put it on before he enters you, and keep it on until he comes out of you.

I have just acquired a new boyfriend. Like me, he is 19. And he is a wonderful guy! I think we shall be having sex soon. Now, Doc, he assures me that he has never had intercourse before, so he says that there is no need to worry about sexually transmitted infections. But can I believe him, Doctor? Is there some way in which I can tell whether he is really a virgin?

No, there is not. If he is a real nice, honest guy, then I suppose you have to believe him when he says that he is a virgin. However, it might be a good idea to insist on using condoms during your first sexual encounters with him.

My friend and me both had sex with a girl last month. Now she says she is pregnant. How can we find out which of us is the father? If it turns out to be me, I would be willing to accept responsibility and help pay for the baby.

Good for you. However, I am afraid that you cannot find out who the babyfather is until the child is born.

At that stage, it will be possible to do DNA tests on all of you three adults, plus the baby, and find out with near-certainty who the male parent is. However, this will cost quite a lot of money.

I am 17 years of age and from ever since, I have low-self esteem. I do not believe in myself or have confidence in myself. And I always think negative. I act childish most times. People, and indeed my family, always say bad things about me. They call me stupid or fool and they say I have no sense! Doctor, deep down it hurts me. Sometimes, I even sit and cry. I really want to change. What can I do?

This is a very sad email. The tone of it is so down that I feel pretty sure that you are suffering from teenage depression. That is an illness, and not your fault.

So I think that the best thing you can do is to consult a doctor right away. She will discuss all these low feelings with you, and she will very probably put you on an antidepressant pill for a little while.

The second thing you must do is to consult a therapist who is used to dealing with teenagers. He can help you get rid of these crazy, negative feelings about yourself.

Lastly, I feel you should talk to your family, and tell them that you have had enough of being called a fool or stupid. No one should have to put up with that treatment from their own relatives. I wish you well.

I am a female university student, and I am real desperate about the small size of my breasts. Doctor, they are just like two fried eggs on a plate! Is there anything I can do, like exercises or yoga?

I am afraid that neither yoga nor exercises will help. If they really are as flat as you suggest, then the only way of making them bigger would be to have the plastic surgery operation called breast augmentation.

In this procedure, the surgeon specialist usually makes a small cut on the under side of each breast. Then, through each incision, he inserts a little sac of fluid, which is rather like a large tea bag in appearance.

The results of this operation are usually very satisfactory, but you must make sure that you go to a good and experienced plastic or cosmetic surgeon who does the procedure regularly.

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