Fri | Jun 25, 2021

Doctor's Advice: Will it be difficult for this widow?

Published:Sunday | March 18, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Q: Doctor, after 10 years of widowhood I have met a great new man and we are going to get married. My question is this. Will sex be difficult for me following a decade of chastity?

A:It should be fine, though because your intimate parts have not seen any 'action' for 10 years, I would advise you to buy yourself some lubricant. You should apply this liberally on 'the big night' and especially just before your guy enters you.

If you are worried at the moment, it would be a good idea to go and see a sympathetic female doctor, who can check you out and make sure that everything is OK.

I wish you well.

Q: I am a married man, but I have a girlfriend in Havendale. Normally, I use a condom when I am with her.

But last week, I had sex with my wife during the afternoon. Then I drove over to my girlfriend's place, and after a nice meal I made love to her. I had heard somewhere that when a guy ejaculates twice for the day, he doesn't have to use a condom on the second occasion. So I 'rode bareback'.

Now I am fretting, Doctor. Is there any chance I could have got my girlfriend pregnant?

A:What you have heard is wrong. There is a myth to the effect that an orgasm 'uses up' all your sperm and that, therefore, subsequent climaxes will be 'sperm free'. But this is just NOT true.

Repeated orgasms do reduce your sperm count a little. But even if a man had sex five times for the night, he would still be producing viable sperm in the final ejaculate.

I cannot tell you whether you have got your girlfriend pregnant. But it has to be a real possibility.

Q:I am a woman and I am feeling totally distressed. I got treated for a vaginal infection several times, and each time it keeps coming back.

What could possibly be wrong with me?

A:Sorry to hear about this. What you have not established is this: What KIND of infection have you been having?

You see, there are many different types of infections which affect the female genital area. In Jamaica, the four most common are yeast, trichomonas, chlamydia and bacterial vaginosis.

All of these can be treated and cured. Let me explain.

1. Yeasts (thrush): If you have yeast infection, you AND your partner should have treatment with a drug called clotrimazole, applied in a cream;

2. Trichomonas. If you have trichomonas vaginitis, you need treatment with a tablet called metronidazole;

3. Chlamydia. If you have chlamydia, you should have treatment with antibiotics, such as doxycycline or azithromycin;

4. Bacterial vaginosis. If you have bacterial vaginosis, then you need the above-mentioned drug called metronidazole.

What you should do now is to see a doctor who can tell you WHICH kind of infection you have. In order to do this, she will need to do some lab tests. Good luck.

Q: My husband and I have been married for just over five years. Now, he has suggested to me that we should swing with another couple. He wants to invite an attractive man and woman for my birthday. The idea is that we would all have fun in the same room.

Doctor, the thought excites me, but what should I do?

A: You would be crazy to have anything to do with this idea of 'four in a room' sex. It may seem attractive at the moment, but it could lead to all kinds of trouble. In particular, you could be opening a psychological can of worms.

For instance, I was once consulted by a woman who had become suicidally depressed because she found that she hated the sight of her husband penetrating somebody else.

I have seen other couples whose marriages fell apart immediately after they went in for swinging.

Furthermore, there are serious dangers such as unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection. So I suggest you tell your husband 'No way'. If he wants to do something nice for your birthday, get him to take you out for a candlelight romantic dinner, with no one else there.

Q:I am a businessman. While I was staying at a hotel recently, I met a lovely and sexy girl, who invited me into her bed. Much to my surprise, during the night she offered me rectal sex, and I rather reluctantly accepted.

Now I am concerned. Could this episode have done any damage to my health, Doctor?

A: Rectal sex does carry some health risks, particularly for the woman. Statistically, the biggest risk to you is that you may have contracted a sexually transmitted infections (STI) from her. That is particularly likely if she is a professional sex worker, as I rather suspect.

So you should go to a doctor and have tests for STIs, including HIV.

There is also a small risk that rectal sex could give a man a urinary infection. So you should ask the doctor to check for that.

Q:I am 31 years old and I am deeply concerned. I have been experiencing vaginal dryness for the last four years. This is affecting my sex life.

I have been tested for various infections by various doctors, and have come up 'completely clean' each time. All that I keep hearing is that I am 'fine'.

It is good to hear that, but I know SOMETHING must be wrong. I have lost all sexual confidence. I wonder what I can do to regain my former natural female lubrication?

When I was in my early 20s, I used to get extremely wet when aroused, but it doesn't happen now. What could have caused this change, and how can I fix it?

A:This has obviously been real distressing for you. But to begin with, can I make one thing clear? Sex infections do NOT cause vaginal dryness. Quite the reverse, in fact, because they tend to cause an increased flow of fluid.

So it is no surprise that the doctors haven't found any evidence of infection. But what is wrong with you?

Well, vaginal dryness has two main origins:



Psychological vaginal dryness is common. It is usually caused from relationship problems, or from the fact that the woman cannot get turned on, or from the fact that her partner does not know how to get her excited.

Physical causes of vaginal dryness include the menopause - and it is just possible that you are experiencing an early 'change'. Dryness can also occur as a side effect of certain medications, such as anti-histamines. It can happen as a reaction to some 'foreign' things like bubble baths and tampons. And very rarely, it can be caused from skin or connective tissue diseases.

My advice to you now is to see a gynaecologist to obtain an accurate diagnosis. In the meantime, you should use plenty of any of the good sex lubricants which are advertised on the Net.

Send questions to: and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.