Sun | Jun 13, 2021

Debunking myths about the big 'O'

Published:Wednesday | March 21, 2012 | 12:00 AM

There seem to be quite a few myths circulating about orgasms and what makes them happen. They are mysterious because we can't really see them. Even for men, an orgasm is something experienced internally. An ejaculation is not always an orgasm. It involves the combination of the mind, the body and the emotions.

Is it my partner's fault?

This is a tricky one because most people think their partner makes them have an orgasm and this isn't true. Actually, your mental and physical states are what cause your orgasm and your partner provides some stimulation to help you along. If you are really into your partner, you might experience bigger, better orgasms. Men and women who are able to bring themselves to an orgasm through self-pleasuring can usually experience orgasm more easily with a partner. You have to know the geography of your own body if you want to share it with someone else.

Everyone has the same type

Wrong again! In fact, one person can experience several different types of orgasms with the same partner. The possibilities are endless. We can also feel the orgasm in different places. For 75 per cent of women, it will be in the clitoris. For a further 25 per cent, it will be inside the vagina and the clitoris. Men and women can have multiple orgasms, serial orgasms, mental orgasms, and dry orgasms to name a few.

However, only a small percentage of women are born with the capacity for having multiple and G-spot orgasms, and even fewer women (about 10 per cent), can squirt during a climax. Generally, it seems that women who have vaginal orgasms tend to get the 'bonus ball' and experience all three. You can't make a woman have a multiple or G-spot orgasm if she isn't born that way. You have to have the equipment for it, but men seem to have a lot of fun trying.

Is it about the thrusts?

Actually, no. Thrusting harder may excite partners mentally and emotionally, and to some degree, the sensation may be different and add some variation during penetration. However, you may actually experience a faster or better orgasm by concentrating on the first three to four inches at the opening of the vagina and the tip of the penis. Both organs are designed to receive the maximum pleasure in those areas. This doesn't mean that partners are usually satisfied with just this form of stimulation. A great part of the drive to have intercourse is the possibility of reproduction and this requires deeper penetration.

Own your orgasm

This is a phrase I repeat often, simply because if we are not interested in receiving greater pleasure ourselves, then it is hardly likely that our partners can give it to us. Try exploring what sensations, words, images, excite you most. After all, sex is between the ears.

Dr Karen Carpenter is a Florida board certified clinical sexologist and psychologist; email: