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Sacred Sex

Published:Sunday | April 1, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

Sex is the outward visible sign of an inward spiritual grace bringing about love.

- Alan Watts

Sex is meant to be celebrated and desired as a natural and fun activity. However, sex has been given a bad rap as being sinful and dirty, and this belief is perpetuated from generation to generation. Although sex has been vilified, people still engage in it - whether they are unmarried Christians, teenagers, senior citizens, everyone along the life cycle. Regrettably, the beauty of sex is shrouded in ugly labels to stigmatise sex as being unsacred. It also perpetuates the myth that individuals should feel embarrassed about sex instead of enjoying healthy sex and valuing it as a self-defining tool.

Divine connection

Sacred sex is more than performance, procreation or even the orgasm. According to Brandy Williams, writing in Sex and Soul, sacred sex is "about sharing and exchanging energies that originate more from our souls than just our heads or our genitals. It is about uniting our longing for wholeness and connection, yearnings that are naturally sacred and spiritual. It is about pleasuring and being pleasured in whatever consensual form that takes."

According to the website:, when sex is sacred you should connect with the Divine.

To celebrate and enjoy sex, it means that you should be confident as you hone your experience and widen your sexual repertoire. If you are less than confident and may be sexually timid, it means that you have to do some self-examination to see if you are carrying a burden of preconceived negative ideas about sex. These ideas, carried into a committed relationship, may prevent true love from blossoming because of the emotional baggage one has to struggle with or offload. You are not able to open up to your partner as you should, so sex becomes unfulfilling and monotonous (

What is sacred sex?

The Society for Sacred Sexuality delineates sacred sex as:

celebrating sex as easy and natural without any special ability or belief

triggering real personal growth through direct experience, not ideology, belief or spiritual mood-making

transforming everyday sex to one of ecstasy and rupture leading to sexual enlightenment, continuous bliss and fulfilment of desire

fitting easily into your current sex practices in a fun way (

When sex is transformed through Tantra, it becomes an artistic and meditative expression. When both partners are communicating and connecting with each other, their bond and sexual energy are taken to a higher level. Instead of sex energy pulling you down into the mire of animality, sex energy can be raised upwards to a more loving experience - this same energy can give you wings (

Spiritual experience

The physical elements of love make it explainable as a science. However, when sex is elevated to the spiritual level, it becomes a spiritual experience that is difficult to explain. It becomes almost magical. Some may say that this is love in its purest form, where it is not spoken but experienced. posits that unless sexuality rises and reaches to love, it is mundane - there is nothing sacred about it. It adds that, "sacred sex has no goal and lovers are connected heart to heart, soul to soul. This loving energy guides the dance, there is nothing to do - just to be present in the moment".

Thomas & Dionne

Thomasrelates his experience of sacred sex in his 12-year union with his spouse Dionne. He relates that, from their first meeting, there was a connection that was unexplainable. They spent some time courting before sexual intercourse, as there was no hurry to get to that stage. His spouse was easy to get along with and their relationship was open and communicative, free from baggage in their lives.

Thomas, who styles himself as 'loverman', said he is at the stage for their first intercourse so that it would be memorable. It has set the standard for other performances, as Thomas calls it, each one outdoing the others. For him, their love is a connection that creates a whole as "the two have become one" and their relationship is a divine celebration of life.

In essence, sex is a natural celebration of life. further explains that sex in itself is a beautiful and natural phenomenon and that "when you go deep into the mystery of sex and love arises - you will become a more loving and evolved being".

Sex and religion

The question arises if sacred sex is under the construct of strict religious edicts. This is not so. Thomas and Dionne are occasional churchgoers as they believe that their sacred sexual expressions celebrate the Divine and do not need to be guided by religion's oppressive rules. For example, celibacy, which is encouraged by the church, is neither repressing sexuality nor avoiding it. It is "bypassing sexuality for something a hundred times greater" from a conversation with the revered Vedantic teacher and spiritual heir to the great Swami Sivananda (

Twin flames

The poem Twin Flames by James Broughton, aptly describes the sacredness of sex.

Embers of the night flare up afresh

when you ignite the morning in my arms

and kindle the familiar hearth of love

Year after year we have warmed our lives

when you ignite the morning in my arms

and kindle the familiar hearth of love

Year after year we have warmed our loves

around the mystery of mutual fire

that heats our domain of risk and rapture

Whenever scorched however scarred

we hearten heal reconflagrate

twin flames ever in blissful blaze

Names changed for privacy

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