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Sex on a 3-way street

Published:Sunday | April 22, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

For some people, sex is boring because they engage in the same missionary position all the time and try nothing interesting. Others make it a never-to-be-forgotten experience based on the sexual variations they integrate in their sexual activities.

Sexual exploits will further be influenced by one's culture, family and religious values and attitudes. If your great-grandmother were to learn of some the risqué activities that are accepted now as part of the sexual menu, she would probably drop dead from shock.

The variations on sex became more popular in the '60s and early '70s with the introduction of the birth control pill which made women more adventurous because there was less risk of pregnancy. Early origins of this activity date back to the Roman orgies. Further, the exposure to X-rated movies and cable networks has placed strong visual sexual acts in the face of more people who enjoy watching couples engage in a variety of sexual activity.

According to the British Medical Journal, sexual variations refer to desires and behaviours outside what is considered to be the normal range. What is unusual varies between cultures and from one period of time to another. Defining normality is extremely difficult because it calls for a value judgement.


Sex with three persons! Your great grandma would exclaim: "O my God!" She would later learn that ménage à trois is the French term for sex with three persons. It is a sexual act or experience involving three people - a threesome. Another variation in meaning is a household or relationship whereby three people live together as lovers. (1856, Richard F. Burton, First Footsteps in East Africa, Ksnemann 2000, p. 105)

In extreme cases, there may be rimming [stimulating the anus with
the tongue] and/or anal penetration of the other person while
penetration takes place in the vagina. Stretch your imagination and
penetration could be with the penis, a dildo, a phallic object like a
ripe banana or cucumber. During the ménage à trois,
partners will change positions and take turns at the different
activities striving for multiple orgasms.

There is the
general feeling that as a good lover you must try every sexual activity
that is available. Like a recipe, it is better when you create your set
of activities that you and your partner can enjoy without engaging in
activities that will place you at risk with a life-threatening sexual

Sex education

For some,
it is ultimate intimacy. However, parents and young people who are
sexually active need to know what is involved in ménage à
so that when the activity is introduced to them, persons
would be aware of what is entailed, decide to participate or opt out.
Parents should introduce this and other risqué
activities as part of their sex education talks with their children,
especially at a time when schools are a 'trial' ground for
information-sharing and experimentation with sexual acts by young

Sophie's experience

A mother
reports that her daughter, Sophieappeared saddened and became subdued
in her relationship after an Easter weekend spree with her friends on
the north coast. Sophie refused to take calls from her friends and
displayed very strange withdrawn behaviour. Out of concern, mother tried
to get her daughter to open up. After much coaxing, Sophie broke down
and claimed that she was raped by two of her friends who were on the
north coast spree.

When mother decided to call the
police, Sophie admitted that she agreed to consensual sex with one boy
and during the act, another boy entered the room and foisted himself on
the couple in a position that he was able to penetrate her anus while
she was vaginally penetrated by the other boy with whom she agreed to
have sex. The shock of the threesome and anal sex freaked out Sophie who
is now in counselling.

Kissing and

Ménage à trois is the
inclusion of a third person in the sex act, be it in the bedroom or
elsewhere, inside a marriage or between uncommitted couples be it
heterosexual or homosexual in orientation. While two persons may be
engaged in penetration, the third person may spend time carry out
activities associated with foreplay to one of the two who are in
penetrative sex. The activities may include kissing, touching, licking,
sucking the entire body, oral sex and stimulating the clitoris with the
fingers or clitoris.

Sexually transmitted

Though one may choose to live on the edge
engaging in the variations of sex, he or she should exercise caution
when engaging in risky sexual behaviour and you are caught up in the
thrill of the moment. The chances of passing on HIV and other sexually
transmitted infections (STIs) are greater without the necessary
protection. You could get anything from syphilis, gonorrhoea to
hepatitis B and chlamydia.

You are advised to use a
condom every time you engage in sexual activity, using more than one as
there may be breakage and leakage of body fluids. What makes the
practice of sex without a condom so risky is that there is the exchange
of bodily fluids which carry viruses of the

Responsible sex

The advice for
safer sex is to limit the number of sexual partner with whom you have
sexual intercourse. When you have sex with someone, remember you are
also having sex with the other persons with whom the other person had
sex. Even when you want to please your partner, especially a new date,
you ought to be responsible and introduce the matter of safer sex even
before you start petting and moving on to

Human sexual behaviour is not static and
different individuals can develop very different sexual interests.
Indeed, in some cases, these interests are so special and unusual that
they create problems. Of course, every society tolerates a certain
amount of sexual variation and accepts some segment of the wide
behavioural spectrum as 'normal'. You will have your personal views on
threesome sex. However, depending on the social environment, different
variations in sexual behaviour may be considered fashionable and
interesting or incomprehensible, outrageous and

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