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Bodily pleasure and painful heart

Published:Friday | May 11, 2012 | 12:00 AM

By Devon Dick

I gave you my love in vain

My body never knew such pleasure,

My heart never knew such pain

(And you) You leave me so confused

Now I'm all cried out, over you.

I heard these lyrics from 'All Cried Out' by Allure over the radio recently and it got me thinking about the role of motherhood. The above lyricist admits to being confused because the relationship produced so much pleasure to the body but nevertheless so much pain to the heart.

It could be the result of a misunderstanding of the role of sex in a loving relationship. There are some who assume that once the sexual intercourse is great, automatically the relationship will be great. And some even want to divorce sexual intimacy from the heart, claiming it is just a physical thing.

The reality is that sexual stimulation can be pleasurable in many ways, including heterosexual or same-sex relationships. Furthermore, sex can be pleasurable through masturbation or with sex toys or aids. And it is possible to find sexual pleasure with an animal.

However, the zenith of the sexual intercourse appears to be when body and heart are in harmony. In other words, the relationship ought to be worked on because the heart is usually dragged into the relationship. Therefore, from the beginning, the affairs of the heart should be given priority and prominence. First, get the emotional relationship right for a meaningful and lasting sexual relationship.

Unfortunately, in Jamaica, much of the music industry and aspects of the sex ad campaign is based on a manualised and mechanical perspective of sex. There is an obsession with finding as much pleasure from sex without the foundational work on the heart. Hence, while persons experience much bodily pleasure, the heart is aching and the mind is confused.Sexual intimacy has been devalued to emphasise the physical aspect only.

So sex is more about knowing how to put on a condom and nothing about developing the affair of the heart, as if an advertising campaign cannot teach two things simultaneously. The focus on things such as physical positions for sexual satisfaction, to the neglect of the partner's state of mind, brings confusion.

No wonder some women end up bitter as single mothers parenting their children. And some people change partners in an attempt to get the balance between pleasure of the heart and bodily pleasure. Our women deserve both pleasure of the heart and body.

TOTAL RELATIONSHIP

For there to be pleasure of the heart, instead of heartache, one has to spend time in understanding what makes the person a total personality. It means both persons are compatible in outlook, orientation, values and ambition. It means that one has that pleasant feeling when one is around that person.

When two hearts beat in sync, the sex will climax better and might last longer. Then one wants to be with that person all the while. One wants to commit one's affection and love to that person. One desires an exclusive relationship with that person and also wants the world to know that one has found that someone.

Sex is usually most satisfying and pleasurable when heart and body are one. Sex will be enhanced by having common values, marked by self-control and respect for the moods of the other person. It is also based on a commitment to procreate and continue the human race. It is a commitment to parenthood and motherhood.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, including my own mom, Cynthia Hyacinth Dick, who is 80 years old.

Devon Dick is a minister of religion and author. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.