Sun | Feb 5, 2023

Finish off those pesky rats on a whim

Published:Saturday | May 19, 2012 | 12:00 AM


We, the Pied Piper International Association, read (with great amusement) the letter from Jamaican Rats For Justice, 'Rats hit back', published in your newspaper (page E3 on Sunday, May 13, 2012). There are some points arising which should be clarified for the benefit of your readers.

The Pied Piper International Association has been called on before to deal with rat infestation. Remember our German chapter in Hamelin Town! To see the townsfolk suffer so from vermin was pitiful! But recall what happened there. When the government wouldn't pay its bill, the children of the town were taken away and never seen again!

Now it seems unlikely that our association would be paid by the Jamaican Government to eliminate the rats. After all, it doesn't have a good track record of paying bills, and would probably end up losing all the children in the bargain!

But maybe that would be a good thing. What savings could be realised, since there would no longer be a need for schools, colleges or universities. No more teachers to pay! The numerous pencil pushers at the Ministry of Education could be dispensed with! No need for any more student loans, which were never paid back anyway!

nswma negligence

But wait! What on earth would all the myriad child molesters, rapists of three-year-olds and other assorted criminal riff-raff do with their time? Perhaps they should all just disappear as well! Nobody would miss them anyway!

Then all we would have to deal with would be the rats, politicians and criminals. It is quite obvious that if the rats had no garbage to eat, they would have to find a new source of nutrition. THAT is why the NSWMA doesn't collect garbage! It is scared the rats will turn on the agency, and after that, the politicians!

After which we could play some really lewd and sexually explicit dancehall music and lure the rats and criminals into the harbour, where, hopefully, the toxic waste will put an end to the misery we all suffer at their hands.


Chief Exterminator

Pied Piper Int'l Association