Thu | Jun 17, 2021

Working-class man not good enough for me

Published:Tuesday | May 22, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am a few months shy of my 40th birthday and I am not seeing any husband prospects. The man I am with moved into my house and life some six and a half years ago. He is not my ideal man. But it is better to have him around than to be lonely at nights and to eat alone. He is also very handy around the house. He fixes everything and he even does a little farming in the yard. He is a very tidy person, willing and hardworking. However, he is not a professional. He is of the working class. Many times he has said he loves me, but I have never told him so because I am not in love with him. In addition, he speaks like a country man in terms of his pronunciation and grammar. You see, I have a teenage daughter as a result of a union with a medical doctor. I am accustomed to a certain lifestyle and mix easily with a certain crowd. I do not go to social events with him, not even to the supermarket. My family knows his name, but have never met him, because I do not take him to them and they do not visit my house. I am not wealthy, but I am middle class. I am always looking out for someone better to get married to, but no luck so far. I would like to get married and have another child, but he is not husband material. I feel stuck and do not know my way out in order to realise my dreams. What do you suggest I do?

A: Well the first thing you need to do is to stop being so snobbish and humble yourself. Perhaps that is why you are not able to find the husband you think you deserve. It is highly unfortunate that you stereotype people from rural Jamaica as poor speakers. In any case, the things you hold against your live-in partner can be fixed. Since he is a willing person, you could help him with his grammar and pronunciation. Or he could go to school and further his education. Additionally, nothing is wrong with a working-class person who is engaged in honest work. It appears as if you are using this man. You provide lodging and he gives free labour, companionship and sexual favours. If you are not in love with this man, you should release him and let him go. He deserves better than you having him around while you look for someone better. However, he seems to be honest, hard-working and loving and perhaps he is the Prince Charming that you need. However, if you do not want to marry him, you need to move on and let him go.

It is difficult for you to be in a relationship - a live-in one at that - and expect suitors to come knocking down your door. Most respectful and decent prospects would be hesitant to approach you knowing you live with a man. You need to become free, single and disengaged and start looking again.

It appears that you are worried as 40 years of age approaches and you are not married. And, indeed, it is time to be in a mutually loving and beneficial relationship that could be long-lasting and long-term.

And you should be worried about the example you are setting for your teenage daughter. She needs a model of a relationship that is going somewhere. She needs to know what to look for in a husband. You need to be worried that your family does not visit and what they think about not meeting your live-in partner.

One thing is for sure: you need to act with haste, one way or another.