Sun | Jun 13, 2021

Dear Doc: In Love with a married woman

Published:Sunday | June 3, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am a 23-year-old man and I am desperately in love with a married woman who is 46 years old. She lets me visit her about once a week when her husband is away on business. He is a much older man, in his 50s I think. I get the feeling that he has been neglecting her sexually. Sex with her is just wonderful, Doc. I have never had experiences like this with young women in my age group. She knows just what to do to excite me. And she is so appreciative of my efforts. Much to my surprise, she has multiple orgasms which make me feel great.I know there is a big gap in our age, but I really love her. Sometimes she says she thinks she loves me. Do do you think there is any hope that she will leave her husband and marry me?

Not much, I would say. Admittedly, these 'young man-mature woman' romances do sometimes work out. But at the moment, you don't have much evidence to suggest that she is going to leave her husband for you. Her husband is older than her and you believe that of late he may have been neglecting her sexually. That may be true. But you have to bear in mind that he could suddenly realise and start giving her more sex. That might change her attitude. Also it is always possible that this woman has another lover. In my experience, mature women who decide to have an affair with a young man do often have an extra boyfriend somewhere in the background. Frequently, they regard the relationship with the younger man as just a pleasant flirtation with a virile toy boy.

So all in all, I don't think that at the moment this is quite the big romance that you feel it is. I do not want to dash your hopes, but I would say that you have to be prepared for the fact that she may 'dump' you one day. In the meantime, I must ask you to consider that what you are doing with this married woman is dangerous.

What if her husband comes home and finds you in bed with her? And what if he is a hot-tempered man with a gun? What if her friends, or her children, notice that you are turning up once a week and disappearing into her bedroom? This could lead to a very messy situation. I am sure that you feel that this woman has taught you a lot about sex. I hope you will profit by what you have learned in her bed. But at the moment, I don't think you should be making any plans to get her to divorce her husband and marry you.

Q: I am a woman in my early 40s, and recently I have been having some discomfort during intercourse. I saw my doctor, and after he had examined me, I sneaked a look at his notes. To my horror, I saw that he had written the words 'senile vaginitis'. What does this mean? Does he think that I am becoming senile?

No, he doesn't. Senile vaginitis is an unfortunate term, and many doctors have stopped using it. However, I notice that there are still over 70,000 references to it on the Internet.

The term senile vaginitis used to be employed to describe what we call 'menopausal vaginitis' or 'post-menopausal vaginitis.' An alternative term is 'atrophic vaginitis.'

This means there is thinning and inflammation of the vaginal walls. That often occurs around your age when female harmone levels decrease. It is a common cause of discomfort, or even pain, during sexual intercourse.

The most important point is that today treatment is easy! Usually, doctors prescribe a female hormone cream which the woman should apply sparingly to her vagina, on a regular basis. Within a few weeks, that cream will restore your vaginal walls to what they were like when you were younger. You will then be able to enjoy sex without any discomfort or pain.

Q: I am a 34-year-old man. Recently, I saw a doctor in the United States because I had been feeling a little run-down. He examined me, and said that he thought my only problem was being overworked. However, he wanted me to do some sort of blood test for prostate gland trouble. He said that when he examined my prostate, it seemed fine. But he thought that it would be good to screen me with this test. What do you feel, Doc? So far, I have not agreed to the test.

The blood test you are talking about is called a 'PSA,' which stands for 'prostate specific antigen'.

In the USA, this test is widely used as a screening device for prostate cancer. But in many other countries, doctors don't use it for health screening because they feel it gives too many 'false positives'. In other words, an abnormal PSA test may not indicate cancer at all.

It's up to you to decide whether to take the blood test. But based on your age and as your prostate apparently seemed OK when it was examined, I am doubtful if there is much point in you being tested.

Q: I have been trying to get pregnant for several years, and I have seen a doctor who says that my problem is 'infertility due to PID'. But what is 'PID,' Doc? I looked it up in a medical dictionary on the Internet, and it said 'prolapsed intervertebral disc'. So does this mean I have a slipped disc?

No. The letters PID can mean two things. One of them is, as you say, a disc problem in the back. But in your case, it is clear that the doctor was talking about 'pelvic inflammatory disease'. This is a long-term inflammation of the female internal organs, caused from germs which gets inside usually through sex. So I think you really need to see a gynaecologist. He will be able to confirm that you have pelvic inflammatory disease, and will probably put you on antibiotics to try and get rid of this inflammation.

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