Sun | Jun 13, 2021

Do fathers make better lovers?

Published:Sunday | June 17, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

Is it a fact that fathers make better lovers? Fatherhood may be defined as a man's contribution to the creation of human life in a process known as conception. Within five minutes after sperm is ejaculated into the vagina, a man's sperm can unite with a female's egg to be fertilised. If a man has problems ejaculating during intercourse, his sperm may be collected under other conditions and placed in the cervix during ovulation to meet an egg in the upper part of the oviduct. Some men may have problems with low sperm count, suffer from genetic defects or they may have had a vasectomy, so to meet the needs of women who desperately want a child, sperm may be obtained from a sperm bank and placed in the vagina. However, some women are uncomfortable with the unknown identity of the sperm donor, who is to be the biological father of her child.

The genetic resemblance of a parent and child is critical to father's acceptance of a child as his own and may end up as a legal challenge. 'Wanna-be' fathers claim that they do not want a 'jacket', that is unknowingly accepting fatherhood for a child who could be fathered by another man. Paternity tests would have to be done to compare blood types of the child and the prospective father.

Body changes

During pregnancy, changes will take place in the female's body such as nausea, fatigue, increase in breast size and darkening of the vagina. Some potential fathers share in the changes with delight. A father's initial reaction to pregnancy may range from joy and elation to worry about the financial obligations to arise. He may feel isolated after the baby is born, but he can assist his partner in helping with childcare duties to bond with the baby and mother.

The question of sexual intercourse arises after partners become parents. As the dynamics of the household and the relationship change after a child is born, efforts have to be made to keep sex life vibrant and healthy. Some women report that once their spouse becomes a father, the quality of their sex life changes, with loving becoming more varied and exciting.


Outlook spoke to some of its readers to get a better perspective on the matter of fathers being better lovers. The responses are varied and provide insight on the issue of fathers being better lovers than non-fathers.

Females feel more dependent on their mates during pregnancy and this carries over after giving birth, so the sexual chemistry is alive.

Prospective fathers are anxious about the prospect of a healthy baby being born and will dote on the mothers-in-waiting.

Bonding during birthing classes and the delivery of the baby creates a special attachment and it is fostered during the relationship.

Any woman who decides to carry a child for a man is usually treated as special as the mother of his child, so loads of affection will be displayed and carried over the family unit after the child is born.

Men will see mothers-to-be as glowing and radiant, and if mothers carry themselves in an attractive way after pregnancy, affection will flow, leading to better sex.

Though exercising caution during pregnancy, the couple will get more adventurous during sex to accommodate changes in the body. Activities include variation in sexual positions moving from the missionary position to side by side or rear entry, oral sex and general tender practices of 'dry humping', cuddling, stoking and full body caresses without penetration.

During lactation, there is the release of oxytocin which may promote feelings of well-being in the female and she will be more amorous to her man.

Fathers may take responsibility for contraception, especially after the birth of a child and may opt for male sterilisation (vasectomy) so as not to be worried about conceiving during intercourse.

Living in a more liberal society where sexual mores are less restrictive, males feel more comfortable to express their affection in public and carry this into the bedroom.

With more liberal attitudes to sexual practices without feeling guilty, example masturbation which can teach you to enjoy the sensuousness of your own body, a father can engage in that activity as a precursor to make love to his spouse.

When fathers are committed to one partner, there will be less fear of contracting sexually transmitted infections, including HIV/AIDS.

Social validation of a man becoming a father also helps to massage his ego and boost his sexual prowess.

Fathers, who help their spouses in working through post-partum depression, will benefit from the affection from a more agreeable partner.

That fathers make better lovers is to be determined by your sexual interaction before and after fatherhood. If sexual interest starts to diminish after the birth of a child, both partners must work at keeping intimacy alive by integrating some of the factors cited above.