Fri | Jun 18, 2021

Will he ever marry me?

Published:Tuesday | June 19, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am in love with a 59-year-old man. He is hardworking, compassionate and honest. He is rich and could take care of me, though he is tight-fisted. He is a good father to his three adult children. All three mothers say he is a good father and all are on good terms with him. We have had good times together and many pleasant memories. I have two young children with two different men.

Those men were abusers and users. My boyfriend is different and I thought we were going to get married when he engaged me. I was ecstatic and told my relatives, friends and co-workers that I would soon get married. I wear the engagement ring with pride. However, since the engagement of two years, every time I suggest a date he has an excuse why it is not right. In addition, he claims I do not communicate well and spoil my children. Now, I am frustrated. I am 36 and want to settle down and have more children. Do you think he will marry me?

A: Your boyfriend has some good qualities including being hardworking, caring, financially stable and being a good provider for his children. However, he appears indecisive in that he engaged you but will not set a date for the wedding.

Symbolism of the ring

It must be frustrating to you because you have been wearing his ring for two years, and cannot tell your family, friends and co-workers when you will get married.

In fact, wearing an engagement ring is a declaration that one has established a date to be married within a six-month period. Therefore, your frustration is reasonable and justifiable. You need to give him an ultimatum to agree on a mutually acceptable date within the next three months. If he does not agree, call off the engagement and stop wearing the ring!

Some men engage women for different reasons, and you need to know why he engaged you for two years. You need also to do due diligence and ascertain whether he has ever been engaged to any of the mothers of his children, or any other woman.

Why did he not get married to any of the three mothers of his children? Get his views and the views of the women, if possible. His children could be a good source of information but make sure you approach them discreetly.

In addition, you need to assess your communication skills and whether you are not being a mother who engages in firm actions against your children. It could be that he is finding an excuse not to get married to you.

Perhaps you are too gullible in your relationships with men. You need to assess how you relate to men and learn from the mistakes of the past. Perhaps you are dazzled by this new man because he is better than your previous men, but he might not be the one. There is still better out there!

I am aware you might think it is hard to start over at 36. However, if this relationship does not work, there is hope once there is life. There is no need to be overly anxious about having more children. Instead, concentrate on the two you have. In addition, you should also try and improve yourself academically and professionally, and do not depend on a man's riches.

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