Dumb and dumped
Q: I am a young lady working at a prestigious company. It was my first job after secondary school. I am the office help. I did not do so well at school and, even after repeating fifth form, I only passed three subjects at the Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate (CSEC) level, including English, but it does not include mathematics.
I had a boyfriend from church and we had a very good relationship. However, he thought that I was a secretary at my workplace. Unfortunately, he got a job at my workplace and he discovered that I was only an office help and he dumped me, because he believes I am dumb.
He is older than I am and has a first degree from a university. It seems he is ashamed of me. I have done three more subjects, including mathematics, and I am awaiting my results. The human resource manager of the company had promised me a secretarial job in the company once I had four CSEC subjects. She said I am bright, hard-working, a quick learner and very courteous. But my boyfriend did not tell me that he was applying to work at my company.
I was planning to tell him what position I had at the company once I was appointed as a secretary. Now I am hurting because he hardly talks to me and he does not understand me. What can I do to get him back?
A: It is not clear that he has dumped you because you are 'dumb', having three subjects. It could be he ended the relationship because you deceived him. He probably does not trust you. He probably would have accepted you as an office help if you told him in the beginning and what your ambition was. You obviously have potential as affirmed by your human resource manager. You should have been honest with your boyfriend, because you were engaged in an honest job. Since he is a graduate of a university, he could have helped you with preparations for your examinations. And it seems that you have blown a good relationship by unnecessary folly.
There is not much you can do but to learn from your mistake. Always be truthful and allow a person to accept you for who you are and not what you might want to be or he wants you to be. Since both of you belong to the same church, you could ask for your pastor to be a mediator. A good time to request the meeting might be after the CSEC results are known, and hopefully you would have passed and that might change his mind about you if his concern was about your academic qualifications and your job title. If it is about your deception, then you should say sorry and accept responsibility for your deception and pledge to be more forthcoming.
In addition, perhaps when he sees how you operate at work, and especially if you get the promotion, he might have a different view of you and be willing to give you a second chance.
Let us hope that your company has no restriction on company romance and he has no hang-ups about dating a junior staff from the same workplace.
You need to be patient and allow time for healing and see what happens in two months' time when your examination results are known. In the meantime, be the best office help that you can be.
Contact the counsellor at firstname.lastname@example.org.