Sun | Nov 28, 2021

Doctor's ADVICE:Should 17-y-o give in to older woman?

Published:Saturday | May 17, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q I am a guy of 17, and I have never had sex. Several girls have indicated that they might be willing to go to bed with me, but the opportunity has never quite presented itself so far.

However, things have changed in the last week. I do a little part-time gardening for an older lady who lives just outside our town. I think she is maybe 35, or so, and is still a very attractive woman. She is married, with two children. But her husband is not around very much.

Well, on Monday, she came out into her garden and gave me a drink of juice. We got chatting, and we were standing very close. Suddenly, she leaned forward and kissed me, Doc.

This was really the first kiss I had ever had. I was surprised, but I liked it. In fact, I put my arms around her and hugged her.

I am not sure what happened next, but she took me indoors and did various things to me. And she made it quite clear that next time I go to her place, she wants to go to bed with me and have sex.

Doc, what do you think I should do? Is there any risk to my health from having intercourse with a lady who is probably twice my age?

A No, there is no danger to your health, unless, by some chance, this lady is carrying a sexually transmitted infection.

I can see that there is a great attraction for you in the idea of being seduced by a much older, highly experienced woman. Doubtless, you would learn a lot.

But I think it would be unwise to go ahead with this affair. You may well get hurt, particularly if (as sometimes happens) the mature lady 'uses' you for a while and then dumps you.

Please bear in mind that she has a husband. What if he finds out? He would be likely to get mad, so you could find yourself on the receiving end of violence. You don't want to find yourself facing a 'chopping' from an indignant spouse!

Also, this lady has two children. I can assure you that if the children discover that their mother has been having illicit sex, the effect on them would be disastrous. I have seen quite a few who developed serious behavioural problems or depression and one who even attempted suicide.

If you and this woman go to bed, those are the unfortunate consequences that might ensue. Now, I am not trying to criticise or insult this mature lady. I am well aware that it is fairly common for a female who is in her 30s or 40s (or even older) to decide that it would be a great idea to initiate a young, virgin male into the mysteries of sex.

For all we know, maybe this lady isn't getting enough attention from her husband. Or, perhaps, he treats her badly or even beats her. But going to bed with you is not going to solve any problems for her, and it could lead to a whole heap of trouble.

Therefore, young man, my advice to you is this: Don't see that lady anymore. Give up the little gardening job! Try to find yourself a nice girlfriend who is nearer to your own age.

Pill and cigarettes

Q I smoke maybe two or three cigarettes for the day. Would it be OK for me to go on the Pill, Doc?

A Well, three cigarettes a day isn't very much. But even that tiny amount of tobacco could slightly increase your chances of dangerous Pill complications.

Also, bear in mind that nicotine is addictive. That is why so many young people start with only two or three cigarettes for the day, and before long, find that they are getting through 10 or 12 every 24 hours.

Losing control

Q I am a guy of 18, and I am just obsessed with girls. I think of them day and night. I love them and their gorgeous bodies.

I search on the Internet for pictures of beautiful, naked females, and I masturbate most nights of the week, Doc.

All of this is interfering with my studies, and my lecturers have noticed that my grades are dropping. So could a doctor give me something to take all this lust away from me?

A No, a doctor couldn't prescribe anything that would do that. Sorry.

Try to understand that this is just a stage you are going through. In a couple of years, your interest in young ladies will have become slightly less passionate. In the meantime, you need to take some action to prevent your studies from suffering. I suggest you see a youth counsellor, preferably one at your college.

It's also a good idea to throw yourself into sports. It has been known for well over a century that highly sexed young men can divert some of their sexual energy into vigorous sporting activities. This process is called sublimation. But take care not to do so much sport that you have no energy left for studies.

Rich playboys

Q I am female, age 21, and I have recently acquired a rich boyfriend. He is 30. We only meet for sex, which takes place at his apartment. We do not actually go out together.

The sexual intercourse with him is mind-blowing, which I did not expect. He has no interest in marriage - just sex. I know he has other girlfriends.

My current problem is that he has suggested to me that he might 'pass me on' to one of his friends on certain days of the week. His friend is also rich and good-looking. Also, he is supposed to be very good at sex play, according to my boyfriend.

Please do not condemn me, but give me some good health advice, Doc.

A These seem to be rich playboys who 'fool around' with various girls. That makes it more or less inevitable that at some time, one or both of them will catch chlamydia, or a venereal disease - or even HIV.

That means that you will get a sexually transmitted infection (STI), and STIs can easily affect your fertility. Sadly, those who sleep with a number of boys often end up sterile.

So you are taking a risk when you have sex with this boyfriend. And if you decide to go with his friend, you will increase that risk considerably. Maybe you should just tell these rich guys goodbye.

Erection fears

Q My fiancée and I are both virgins. We have only engaged in kissing and petting.

But now she has told me that next week, after her menses are over, I can have intercourse with her. Doc, I am scared that I will not be able to manage a good enough erection so that I can take her virginity.

A You must talk over your fears with her right away. As long as she knows you are scared, she can use her hands to make sure that you have a good enough erection. Please don't forget contraception.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.