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Flammable summer

Published:Monday | June 23, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Jody-Anne Lawrence, Lifestyle Reporter

The hottest season of the year is almost here, and many are looking to make their relationship in and out of the bedroom as steamy as the temperature outside.

Every relationship goes through its rough patches, and sometimes the intimacy dwindles. This may even lead to a point where pleasure is non-existent - but that doesn't mean that the love is no longer there. Instead, it may mean that one just needs to try and revamp the relationship, changing up the way in which they are currently going about the relationship.

"A relationship loses its passion and enthusiasm when intimate partners become unaware of each other's emotional, sexual, social and economic needs. This usually happens when partners flow with life's routine, losing their consciousness for each other's well-being. Extramarital relationships, work, or spending too much time parenting children are some of the factors which play a role in this. The consequence is that both partners may feel neglected," explains relationship specialist and psychologist Dr Sidney McGill.

"The ardour in the relationship can be rekindled, but partners should not expect to return to the emotions that they experienced when the relationship was new and fresh. Relationships evolve," notes McGill.

Do not try to think about what you should get, but rather what your partner needs. Remember the saying 'give expecting nothing in return' that has a way of coming back to you. Sincerely be there for your partner and you will be surprised by the changes that will occur. He advises:

Be Conscious

Becoming conscious of your partner's needs above your own is a to start to rekindling the flame. The motto should be, 'I want what you want for you and I am willing to help you get it'.


Before going to the bedroom, focus on the communication, get to the place where talking to them is not a chore. Remember all those late-night conversations and when you never got tired of their voice, talk and build upon that passion. Get the communication to an emotional level where you both talk about your relationship and experiences and how these experiences affect you. Make your partner feel special by cooking meals together, eating together, sharing thoughts more.

Change the routine

Reignite the flame in the bedroom, by changing up the normal routine. Like everything else in life routines becomes boring and a little change can go a far way, so mix it up. Let the sexual intercourse be more exciting and unexpected - change sex positions, room and time. Add fragrances by spraying the bed before with perfume, or use scented candles. A little wine would help to relax both partners, and play music that you both enjoy while having sex. Work at uniting your lives in every aspect.

Do not keep secrets

If there are secrets between you, reveal them so that you can get over the grieving process and start over.

Reigniting that flame in your relationship is not about getting back to where you were when you first met; it is about building a relationship as the adults that you now are.