Sat | Jul 24, 2021

The wife and the handsome Canadian

Published:Sunday | July 6, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q Doctor, I am a married woman who badly needs your advice. Last year, while on business in Canada, I met a very handsome and fascinating man. We got along very well and I spent all of my spare time chatting and laughing with him.

During the trip, we kissed, and I found that experience was truly wonderful. But when it was time for my group to return to Jamaica, we had to part. Since then, we have exchanged occasional texts. He is always complimenting me about how beautiful I am and how exciting he finds me. I have not told my husband about the encounter.

Recently, I have had some exciting but alarming news - he is coming to Jamaica for a 10-day golfing holiday in September, with some of his friends. I suspect that he has arranged this vacation so that he can see me again, and he has said that he is looking forward to holding me in his arms again.

Doctor, I am desperate to meet this man. If I do see him, there is no doubt that I shall hug him and kiss him. And I am quite sure that I will end up sleeping with him.

Do not think disapprovingly of me for this. I just cannot help my feelings. Again and again, I dream about being in his hotel room with him, and making wild, passionate love.

I know that it would be easy to arrange. And I am sure that my husband would not find out.

I also know that it is wrong, yet my body is aching for him - I want him like I have never wanted anything or anyone in my life.

I feel that this is a kind of madness, but I cannot resist it. So, as a forlorn hope, I am asking you if there is any medication, like a tranquilliser or something, that would calm my raging lust? Presumably, these days the science of medicine must have invented some hormone preparation that 'damps' the female desire.

Please help me, because time is running out.

AYours is a surprisingly common situation. Again and again, I have seen cases in which a married woman falls for a handsome and attractive man - and feels that she has to sleep with him.

Quite often, these stories end with the husband finding out and then beating or divorcing his wife, with a lot of distress for any children who may be involved. Admittedly, in a few cases, the outcome has been pretty good - because the affair has put an end to an unhappy marriage and opened up the way for a new and romantic union.

Do you really love this man? Or, as you have said, maybe it's just lust that is driving you? Or are you thinking that maybe you could divorce your husband and marry this man?

I note also that you have said practically nothing about your spouse. Is this because your marriage has become stale and dull? I am hoping that you two do not have children, because what is happening in your emotional life could have some negative outcome on the children.

I understand that you are desperate to have sex with this Canadian man, but I have to tell you there is absolutely no medication which will suppress your feelings or desire for him. Medical science just hasn't invented anything like that yet. Hormones are not going to help.

So what can be done? First of all, I think you should ask yourself 'Is my marriage at an end?'

If it is, then the honourable thing would be to have a frank talk with your husband about the possibility of a divorce. Who knows? He, too, may want to end it.

But if you do not feel that your marriage is over, what then? There is only one thing I can suggest, and it is this - put some distance between you and this man.

In other words, it's impossible to have sex with someone if you are hundreds of miles apart! Therefore, what I advise you to do is to take a holiday break in September and go somewhere far from the island - staying away until the Canadian man has returned home. I suggest that you book yourself a nice vacation in Mexico, or Florida, or California - or anywhere far away from Jamaica.

Make sure that you do not give your potential lover your holiday address. And if possible, don't take your mobile phone with you. Avoid all contact!

This scheme may or may not work. But one thing is pretty certain - if you are in Jamaica during his visit, you are almost certainly going to end up having intercourse with him. So book your trip now!

Would Cialis help me?

QDoc, I have had only limited success with Viagra. So now my own doctor has suggested that I try something called 'Cialis'.

Would that help me?

ACialis (also known as 'tadalafil') is from the same group of medications as Viagra. Its big advantage is that its effects last a lot longer. So it can help give you a good erection as long as 12 hours after taking it.

More important, some men respond well to one drug and not to another. So Cialis would certainly be worth trying.

If you don't find it helpful, there are now a few other erection-inducing medications, notably Levitra (aka vardenafil).

Can his penis cream harm me?

QMy husband has been prescribed some cream to put on his penis. But could this medication affect me, Doc?

ADefinitely! If a man uses a cream or ointment on his organ, then some of it is going to get transferred to his wife during sex. And there has to be a chance that it will harm her.

You don't say what cream your husband is using and why. I think that the two of you should see his doctor, find out the ingredients in the cream, and ask the doctor whether they would harm you. In the meantime, don't let your man have sex with you unless he is wearing a condom.

Should I get tested before I get married?

QI have just become engaged to a wonderful woman who is the same age as I am (34), and I would value your medical advice. Doc, I have to confess that I have a 'gay past'. When I was in my early to mid 20s, I did sometimes have physical relationships with men. But all of that is over now, and my interest is only in women.

But should I have any tests before we get married?

AIn view of what you have said, it would be wise to have an HIV test. Let us hope that it will be negative.