Sat | Apr 1, 2023

'It's what they do!'

Published:Sunday | July 20, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Jason Stephenson, Contributor

Enough was enough. This relationship of theirs was just one big circus, and Kendra was the main attraction. Day after day, night after night, Michael was clearly taking her for a complete fool.

Phone always on mute, lingering perfume, scribbled down phone numbers, receipts for tampons - but as always, his alibis were immaculate - squeaky clean, on the ball, spotless. She couldn't prove a thing.

Kendra could only scream at the top her lungs, begging him to admit to things he swore on his mother's life weren't true. Crying herself to sleep was how she fell asleep most nights, waiting up for him like an idiot to come home. She knew in her heart Michael was a lying, useless dog, just like every other man. They cheat, they lie and tell you whatever it is you want to hear - it's what they do.

"— GET OUT!!" screamed Kendra, flinging a broom across the living room. "GET OUT!!" Michael ducked behind the sofa as the window shattered, hurling a shower of glass over him.

Damaged items

The house was in downright chaos. Lamps lay in shambles on the floor; the wallpapers were ripped to shreds and the TV was now a thing of the past. No one in their right mind would believe a young couple lived there. It was a miracle no one had called the police. "I WON'T PUT UP WITH IT ANYMORE MICHAEL!!" she cried. "I WON'T!!" Kendra grabbed a vase and threw it behind the sofa, smashing it to bits. "— IF YOU WON'T TREAT ME GOOD, I'LL FIND SOMEBODY WHO WILL!!"

Michael rolled under the table. "C'mon Kendra," he said. "Stop this!! I told you I was going to visit my grandmother at the nursing home today. She had just finished taking a shower and was spraying perfume on her clothes."


Ripping the mirror off the wall, Kendra sailed it under the table. She collapsed to the ground bawling in misery. She had no more strength left to throw the stereo clutched in her hands. Kendra felt as if she was losing her mind. This relationship was toxic and she had to get out of it.

Michael swiftly surfaced from his refuge, leaping over broken picture frames and ripped cushions - scratch free, of course, grabbing her by the wrists. Kendra kicked and yelled, wrestling him with what little energy she had left.

"LET GO OF ME!!" she cried. "LET GO OF ME!!"

"— But I love you, baby," Michael said, removing a small black box from his pocket.

"Look, see!" He flipped it open revealing to Kendra a diamond the size of a tennis ball.

How could she resist?

Kendra had never been on a cruise ship before. She circled the deck at least five times, flaunting her wedding dress, waving to the other guests, eating cupcakes from the buffet - it was like a fairy tale. After their honeymoon in Paris, they were going to start fresh. Things were going to be different this time - Michael promised.

It had been hours since she left her poor husband all by his lonesome in the suite. Kendra felt terrible. He was probably asleep by now, but no worries, she was definitely going to make it up to him. She just happened to stumble across a cute little lingerie boutique on the upper deck with all sorts of goodies to spice up any bedroom.

Surprise coming

Kendra hummed to herself outside the room door as she fiddled inside her purse for the key.

"Michael..." she sang, opening the door. "Mommy has a surprise for you."

The door flew open and a man and a woman stepped inside. Kendra was sitting all alone by herself in the room staring at the crusty ceiling above her. "Hello Kendra," smiled the man as they both took a seat in the chairs before her. "I am Dr Jennings and this is Jenna, my intern." The young lady nodded.

Kendra continued to stare blankly at the ceiling, paying no attention whatsoever to a word the doctor was saying. "Very well, let's gets started then, shall we?"

Jenna pulled out a thick file jacket and began skipping through sheets of paper.

Dr Jennings flipped on a small voice recorder before carefully placing it into his lips.

"— The subject appears to suffer from severe attention deficit; her demeanour, however, appears calm." He turned it off.

"Doctor Jennings," said Jenna. "Have you read her medical report?"

"Some of it," he said, flipping through one of her charts. "I only got a summary of her current condition, the hospital has a shortage you see - what's the matter?"

Jenna's cool expression soon turned stunned as she scanned further through the report. "It says here that she was found in her wedding dress soaked in blood - She was sitting over the body of her husband and a ship maid."

"Poor dear," he said, busy checking Kendra's pulse. "She probably snapped. It's highly typical for women her age to respond to stressful —"

"There's more," interrupted Jenna. "She had eaten parts of his heart straight from his chest."

Tiny important detail

"— What was that, Jenna?" said Dr Jennings, leaning in a bit closer to check Kendra's heartbeat.

Kendra's gazed shifted from the ceiling to the doctor before her. "It's what they do..." she whispered. " It's what they do..." Kendra began crackling loudly. "IT'S WHAT THEY DO!" she screamed, laughing even louder. "IT'S WHAT THEY DO!"

Jenna's eyes bulged in panic as she continued to read the report. "DR JENNINGS!! THIS REPORT STRONGLY ADVISES SHE STAYS AWAY FROM ALL MALE DOCTORS!" she yelled.

Before the doctor could so much as respond, Kendra lunged at him. She grabbed the fountain pen from his coat pocket and stabbed him mercilessly in the heart, over and over again. Jenna screamed, tossing papers aside as she bolted out of the room.

"IT'S WHAT THEY DO!" laughed Kendra, twitching madly in pure ecstasy as Dr Jennings's blood splattered all over the floor. "— IT'S WHAT THEY DO! IT'S WHAT THEY DO! IT'S WHAT THEY DO!!!"

My tribute to Sir Howard

Many great leaders have left us and many more are yet to come. However, Sir Howard Cooke's indelible impression on the Jamaican populace will be lasting and will certainly remain with us for years to come. A truly 'big shoe to fill'. I remember meeting Sir Howard in 2001, when I was crowned Mini Miss Jamaica. He welcomed me with open arms and a warm smile, and the combination was simply one that warranted a response.

As a young and enquiring lady, I asked many questions and he responded very professionally. I remembered one of the questions asked was "What's the best part of your job?" to which he responded with his affectionate smile, "to kiss pretty girls like you." After entertaining a few more questions and having fruit punch, Sir Howard gave me another smile and loudly whispered, "you are a wonderful girl." He went on jokingly to say, "If anyone ask you what is the relationship, tell them that you are my granddaughter." We said our farewells and he told me that I could come again soon.

My heart is saddened by Sir Howard's death as he left an impact on my life that is irreplaceable. He has lived a long and truly rewarding life, which many have not got the opportunity to live. Jamaica has lost an amazing leader. To his family and friends, my condolences. Keep your head up and stay strong. Remember, we love him but God loves him best. He's now in the arms of an angel.

R.I.P, Sir Howard Cooke.

With love.

- Kimberly Ebanks

Mini Miss Jamaica 2000-2001