Hello mi neighbour | Is it really kindness?

Is it kindness or is it kindness? In other words, is it trustworthy kindness or is it the kindness that could cost you dearly down the road? *Mary was overjoyed when the “kind, tall, dark and handsome stranger” stopped to give her a ride, saving her the embarrassment of getting to work late again. Happily, she lived to tell the tale. Long story, but what she thought was genuine kindness turned out to be a nightmare. However, she learned one of life’s most valuable lessons: not everything that glitters is gold. In this age of deception, one must be vigilant, discerning and quick-witted for their own safety! Not trying to drive fear in anyone here.

Mi neighbour, l feel obliged today to share some important information, especially with the young, unsuspecting and vulnerable as they navigate life: kindness in all its facets and expressions is usually very difficult to resist. Right ladies? Right. Not many people readily question the motive behind the kindness of friends acquaintances, coworkers or even family members, and rightly so – at times.

Who stops to think that, in many instances, acts of kindness are transactional? Not many people. Students, the book says “ transactional kindness is the practice of performing good deeds with an underlying expectation of return, such as receiving favours, privileges, recognition, validation, and the likes. It operates like a social contract where actions are investments for future control or reciprocity, rather than acts of pure, selfless compassion”. Heard that? So John is a big earner and tells Michelle* his wife not to bother her head with working. Did she know that she was being set up for manipulation/control? Aai sah.

Remember, in transactional kindness, favours are offered with a subconscious or conscious anticipation of receiving something in return. Once the objective is met, the friendliness vanishes. This may be common at school, the social club, church or the workplace where people may be valued based on their usefulness. This often leads to feelings of manipulation, resentment, and disappointment if the “transaction” is not completed by the other person.

SELFISH KINDNESS

Akin to transactional kindness is selfish kindness, a concept driven by personal benefits such as increased happiness, reduced stress, and improved health, rather than purely selfless motives. It is said that acts of kindness, such as volunteering or helping a neighbour, trigger brain chemicals that reduce stress, improve mood, and can even promote a longer life. And that is so wonderful! The danger with this, though, is, where kindness is not reciprocated in these circumstances, things can turn real sour, if not bitter ... even violent, if I may. Be careful!

SELFLESS KINDNESS

Then there’s the preferred and less common, non-transactional kindness or selfless kindness: the practice of offering help, generosity, or care without expecting anything in return — no reward, recognition, or future reciprocation. It stems from sincere empathy rather than calculated exchange. Great! In non-transactional selfless kindness, others give simply because it is the right thing to do, often when the recipient has nothing to offer in return. Even greater! The motivation is the quiet satisfaction of making a difference, rather than anything else. And it’s not about being naive or allowing others to take advantage of you. You may set healthy boundaries, say no, and still be kind. That’s wise!

SITUATIONAL KINDNESS

Thoughts must also be given to another type of kindness called situational kindness. This is where someone consciously shows empathy and compassion based on the specific, immediate needs of a situation, rather than adhering to a rigid, pre-planned approach. It involves, for example, pausing when stressed to respond thoughtfully, or offering help, such as letting someone in a rush go first in line, rather than focusing only on oneself. This may be a tough one, especially on a busy morning when everyone is selfishly locked into getting to work on time. But, guess what? That two-second act of generosity could save time, money and life.

There is a desperate need for kindness in every crevice and corner of our world! Be kind under all circumstances! Whether or not rewards are anticipated, those who show kindness will be handsomely rewarded by the Father of Kindness.

“ Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord and He will reward them for what they have done.” Would you be kind enough to place this one on the vision board of your mind as you go forward?

KINDLY HELP A NEIGHBOUR WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:

1. Stove

2. Refrigerator

3. Bed

4. Food

5. Help with medication

6. Financial assistance to start a little business

To help, please call Silton Townsend @ 876 649-9636/876 884-3866 or deposit in acct #351 044 276 NCB. Alternatively, send donations to Hello Neighbour C/o 53 Half-Way Tree Road, Kingston 10; Paypal/credit card: email: zicron22@yahoo.com. Contact email: helloneighbour@yahoo.com. Visit hellomineighbourja.blogspot.com. Townsend exclusively manages the collections and distributions mentioned in this column and is neither an employee nor agent of The Gleaner.