Michael Abrahams | Hey Dayton Campbell, this is what toxic masculinity is

“By far the worst thing we do to males – by making them feel they have to be hard – is that we leave them with very fragile egos.”

- Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, award-winning author

Recently, the People’s National Party (PNP) formally installed Dr Winston De La Haye as their candidate to challenge Alando Terrelonge of Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) for the St Catherine East Central seat.

During the event, the PNP’s Dr Dayton Campbell, Member of Parliament for North West St Ann, took a swipe at Terrelonge, saying, “The little fake Rastaman weh name Terrelonge ... all me hear him talking about is toxic masculinity. Me ask him, ‘A wah dat?’ Every day him get up, him deh pon ‘toxic masculinity’, and I don’t know what is that.”

In politics, mudslinging is par for the course. Both parties do it, and one has to have thick skin to survive in that arena. But Campbell’s statement was cause for concern on many levels.

Firstly, rather than commenting on Terrelonge’s performance or shortcomings as a member of parliament, he launched into a personal attack that had nothing to do with the man’s competence.

Secondly, for someone in a position of leadership in a country like Jamaica, with a high level of aggression and violence, to not know what toxic masculinity is indicates an unacceptable level of ignorance.

Thirdly, health refers to physical, mental and social well-being, and for a physician to be unaware of what toxic masculinity is, is indeed unfortunate.

Toxic masculinity is, however, not just real, but can have deleterious consequences not only for men, but the entire society. There is indeed a lot of ignorance about the meaning of the term and its origins. For example, it is assumed by some that the term was originated by feminists, but it was actually coined by men in the mythopoetic men's movement, a body of self-help activities and therapeutic workshops and retreats for men undertaken by various organisations and authors in the United States in the 1980s and ’90s.

Also, it is not an attack on men or masculinity. It is not saying that masculinity is toxic. For a man to like things that men are stereotypically drawn to, such as sports, cars and women, is normal.

Toxic masculinity refers to behaviours and beliefs such as suppressing emotions or masking distress, maintaining an appearance of hardness (being a ‘tough guy’), using violence to maintain power, being misogynistic and embracing homophobia. It includes a rejection of anything feminine, such as allegedly female traits like gentleness, compassion and empathy. These are stereotypical societal norms but are not necessarily healthy.

I recall an incident related to me several years ago by a female friend. A man who lived in her community had died suddenly from a heart attack. His nine-year-old son was understandably devastated and expressed his grief by crying. But his aunt would have none of it, and scolded him and told him to stop, because “boys and men are not supposed to cry”.

My friend immediately berated the woman and told her to leave the boy alone and let him grieve, as crying is a normal response to the death of a parent.

Indeed, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), research has shown that repressing emotions has been linked to “aggression and violence”, leaving boys and men at “disproportionate risk for school discipline, academic challenges and health disparities”, including cardiovascular problems and substance abuse.

DEADLY EFFECTS

The effects of toxic masculinity can also be immediate and deadly.

A friend of mine in the police force related a story to me of a teenaged boy in an inner-city community who was murdered, and his body set on fire. The reason? He spoke “too properly”, and some of his peers found it to be unacceptable. In their opinion, it is not manly to speak standard English. Boys like that are too feminine, or gay, and will not be accepted or tolerated. So, the decision was made to exterminate him.

The irony of Campbell’s comments is that on the heels of his remarks, on the same platform that night, we saw examples of toxic masculinity when more barbs were thrown in Terrelonge’s direction based on his perceived sexuality.

PNP Deputy Chairman, Horace Dalley, said members of the PNP are “straight and not bend up bend up”, and Mark Golding, Member of Parliament for South St Andrew, remarked that when Terrelonge sees the “straightness” of De La Haye he is going to “wobble in his boots”.

Toxic masculinity contributes to men feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, isolated and alone. It is a barrier to them being able to speak from their hearts to their friends, their intimate partners, their children and their parents. It facilitates emotional, physical and sexual intimate partner abuse.

Toxic masculinity affects our society and understanding what it is and how it works are the first steps to confronting and working to cauterize it.

- Michael Abrahams is a gynaecologist and obstetrician, comedian and poet. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or tweet @mikeyabrahams