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Doctor's ADVICE:Why can't I orgasm inside her?

Published:Saturday | October 4, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q. Doctor, I am a guy of 20, and I am wondering if there is something wrong with me.

You see, I have a beautiful girlfriend, but I simply cannot orgasm inside her. That also happened with my two previous sexual partners.

Don't get me wrong, Doc. I have not lost my nature. I always get a good erection, and I can 'keep going' for hours. To begin with, my girlfriend was pleased with that. She said that never before had she known a guy who could continue having sex for an hour or even two.

But the thing is, I just don't discharge when I am inside her, Doc. And this is making her feel bad. She thinks that maybe she is not attractive enough, or something.

Maybe I should explain that I can orgasm quite easily through masturbation. And I have done it when my girlfriend has given me a 'hand job'. But I just cannot do it when inside her vagina.

So what is going on, please? My girlfriend is fretting that I will not be able to give her babies.

A. What is going on is that you have a reasonably common male condition called retarded ejaculation. Some doctors call it delayed ejaculation.

Your story is absolutely typical. The young man can orgasm if he is on his own, or maybe if his partner rubs him, but he finds it quite impossible to ejaculate inside a woman's vagina.

There is nothing physically wrong with you. This is a psychological condition. Most young guys who suffer from it have grown up with personalities that make it difficult for them to relax and 'let themselves go'.

Often, they are quite calm and 'controlling' people, who are good at organising things - provided they get their own way! Some of them are successful in school, college or university, because they are excellent at setting themselves a rigid plan of study - and sticking to it.

Does that 'personality description' sound like you? I shall be surprised if it doesn't!

But for completeness, I should just say that there are a few guys who have retarded ejaculation because they are on some medication that delay orgasm. Certain antidepressants are notorious for doing that.

I suggest that you now google the words 'retarded ejaculation', and see what some of the experts say about it. Do not get tempted into paying any money for alleged 'cures'. Nothing which you could obtain on the Internet is likely to fix your problem.

What you really need to do (and do pretty soon) is to consult a good psychotherapist or counsellor who has experience in these matters. It would be best if your girlfriend could go along with you.

The therapist will see you for a number of sessions, and will try to help you relax and 'let go'. There is also a therapeutic approach in which the guy gradually learns to climax nearer and nearer to his partner's vagina, until eventually, he can do it inside her.

I do urge you to seek that sort of help from a professional. If you do not do so, two things may happen:

Your girlfriend will probably get fed up with having sex with a guy who cannot 'come' inside her;

When you want to have a baby, you will find it almost impossible to so - without the help of artificial insemination.

Q. I was raped by a group of boys about two weeks ago. Now my menses are three days overdue.

Doc, what is the best thing to do?

A. You must see a doctor and do a pregnancy test immediately. If it turns out that you are pregnant, you would have a good legal case for asking for a termination.

It is also vital that you have tests for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), since these are very often transmitted during these gang-rape occurrences.

Finally, I strongly advise you to inform the police. Young men who commit the awful crime of rape should be brought to justice.

Q. I am a guy who has never been with a girl. The reason for that, Doc, is this: whenever time I get an erection, my foreskin will not roll back, so the head of the organ remains completely covered by skin.

Frankly, Doc, it looks rather silly. And I know that if any girl saw my erection ,she would laugh at me.

Please, what can I do?

A. Well, as you realise, your problem is a very tight foreskin - a condition known as 'phimosis'.

There are some American websites which suggest that young men who have that condition should do exercises to stretch the foreskin and make it looser. But it sounds like your foreskin is so very tight that exercises are unlikely to work.

Something must be done to sort out your problem. Quite apart from the fact that your very tight foreskin is going to make sex difficult, it is also unhygienic. Germs can gather under a foreskin which doesn't roll back.

Therefore, I think you should see a urological surgeon (a urologist) as soon as possible. It is probable that he will advise you to take a circumcision operation. You may find that a slightly scary prospect, but it will cure you.

Q. I am flat-chested. Is it true that if I went on the Pill, I would get much bigger breasts, Doc?

A. No, not really. Many young women who start taking the Pill do find that their breasts get slightly bigger. But it is not an enormous increase in size.

Q. I have been advised to take tranquilizers to cure my slight premature ejaculation. Is that a good idea, Doc?

A. No. Tranquilizers might make you a little less nervous, but that's about it. Also, they are very habit-forming, so you might get hooked on them.

There is a type of medication that can help premature ejaculation, so I think you should consult a doctor and ask whether that medication would be suitable for you.

An alternative approach would be for you and your partner to use the famous 'squeeze technique', which you can find on the Internet by googling the words 'squeeze technique' and 'premature ejaculation'.

Q. Doc, I lost my virginity three days ago. The guy only came into me for two seconds, then he pulled out. He finished by climaxing on my belly.

Do you think I am pregnant?

A. From what you say, that seems unlikely, but you will just have to wait and see if the menses arrive. If they don't, then do a test.

You shouldn't be taking chances like this. If you decide to have sex again, please use some reliable form of contraception, such as the Pill, the jab or the condom.

Q. Could I cure my gonorrhoea with any remedy which I can buy in a pharmacy?

A. No, you can't. If you think you have gonorrhoea, see a doctor right away.

Email questions to Doc at and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.

I can't orgasm inside her … why?