Tue | Sep 26, 2017

Doctor's Advice: Hooked on porn

Published:Saturday | January 16, 2016 | 1:00 AM

Q Hi, Doc. I am a 19-year-old female. I am a student, and I work hard. However, I also like to play hard. So I do have a vigorous sex life - mostly with my fiancÈ, who is a student too.

He is keen on porn and he has introduced me to the habit of watching it with him. I must confess that I do find this a big turn-on, Doctor. So quite often, we have leisurely sex together on his bed, while watching some fairly outrageous 'blue movie'.

I am well aware that some other couples do the same thing because some of my friends have told me about it. But my personal problem is this. Over the last few months, I have found myself getting excited by the female actresses who I see on the screen. I am sure that is not what is supposed to happen.

Several times recently, I have found myself getting enormously aroused by the sight of their heaving breasts or their buttocks or thighs. Sometimes, the sight of a naked girl having sex is so erotic for me that I can't help orgasming.

I have talked this over with my fiance. To begin with, he really liked the idea of me getting aroused by the sight of the naked ladies, but now he is not so sure.

In the last few weeks, he has been getting quite annoyed by the fact that I find the women so attractive. He says that if I am normal, I should by turned on by the naked men - and not by the girls. But some of the guys are very ugly. And I cannot get excited at the sight of their erect penises.

Any advice, Doc? Do you think I am changing into a lesbian?

A Well, you have clearly developed some lesbian impulses in recent weeks, apparently as a result of looking at all this porn. However, please note the following three points about 'blue movies'.

The actresses are mostly attractive, and in the studios, a good deal of attention has been paid to their hair and make-up. Few of them are overweight or out of shape.

In contrast, some of the men are really dreadful physical specimens! I have heard that this is because sometimes they are not real actors, but just guys who have dropped in on the set. There have been some cases where unattractive males have actually paid the producers to let them take part.

Women viewers do not generally get excited by seeing the men's penises, so you are normal in that respect.

However, it is clear that watching all this porn is causing serious difficulties between yourself and your fiancÈ. So my strong advice to you is to 'cut out the pornography.'

You need time to work out your sexuality at your own pace, without being influenced by blue movies. Please tell your boyfriend that from now on, you are not going to watch any sexy stuff with him.

Q Good day, Doc, I am a male teenager, and last night I had sex with a woman for the first time in my life. But half-way through, I realised to my alarm that she was having her menses!

Will this do me any serious harm health-wise? Like, give me VD?

A No, it won't. Nor will it harm her - though there is a very small chance that she could get pregnant while menstruating.

I don't know how old you are, but you obviously know very little about sex and its potential dangers. So I urge you not to have sex any more until you have become better informed.

In your part of the island, is there a helpful, older person - like a teacher, nurse, pastor, midwife or counsellor - who could help you (and perhaps your friends) by giving you common sense advice about pregnancy, contraception, VDs and HIV?

Alternatively, there are now quite a few websites which gives young adults sensible information about these vital topics. Some of them are associated with Christian churches, while others aren't.

You could start with one which originates from the famous Rutgers University in New Jersey. The web address is simply sexetc.org.

Q Doctor, can a girl trust guys? I am almost 17, and a virgin. Twice recently, young men have tried to persuade me to let them 'enter' me.

They both told me where it would be quite safe because they only planned to 'be inside' for a minute - and then they would pull out.

Can I believe either of them? I found it a little strange that both of them said the same thing. And one of them actually told me he was almost sterile - and therefore could not get me pregnant.

A Well, young guys do tend to employ broadly similar approaches when trying to persuade females to give in.

So, again and again boys will say things like:

'It wouldn't do any harm to just put it in for a minute'

'You don't need to worry, because I'll be careful.'

'It's perfectly safe, because I know what I'm doing.'

'I know I just can't be a baby-father. My doctor said so.'

What you need to bear in mind is that a lot of young males are driven by an enormously powerful urge. It is an urge which will make them say almost anything in an effort to get into the vagina.

Generally speaking, if a guy tells you something which is obviously intended to make you 'drop your defences,' then you should just pay him no mind!

Q Doc, I have met an older woman (around 33) who wants me to use 'coke' before having sex with her.

Is this a good idea?

A No, it isn't Cocaine has many possible side-effects. In particular, it can make a guy lose his nature.

So using it for sex is a dumb idea. Are you sure that you wish to pursue a relationship with this 'older woman' who wants to involve you in drug-taking? It sounds dangerous to me.

Q I am a secretary, female, age 21, and currently unattached. I am beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me, Doc!

You see, I read in an American women's magazine that it is 'normal' for women of my age to masturbate. But although I am fairly interested in guys (and in sex), I do not masturbate -and I never have.

So does this mean I am sexually abnormal?

A No, you are not!

The US magazine was clearly a little misleading. What they meant was that if a woman of your age masturbates, that's OK - and there's nothing abnormal about it.

However, they didn't mean that every young woman is supposed to masturbate. That wouldn't be true at all.

Statistics show that a sizable minority of young females do masturbate - sometimes. But the majority don't. My clinical impression (based on seeing patients) is that female masturbation has become rather more common in recent years. Or maybe it's just that women are more willing to talk about it these days.

But you don't have to do it. And you shouldn't feel embarrassed about the fact that you don't.

n Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.