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Doctor's Advice: Should I try anal sex?

Published:Sunday | January 24, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am 28, and I have had several boyfriends. Recently, one of them has been asking me for anal sex. I must say that I do not like the idea, Doc.

So, I have two questions for you. First, does it hurt? And second, is it true that it can damage a woman's anus so that she cannot control her bowels?

A: Thank you for these two important questions. These are issues that affect quite a few women these days.

In recent years, quite a few men have been trying to persuade their partners into allowing this kind of sex. I suspect that this is because they have seen such things in porn movies. Some of these films portray this form of intercourse as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

Now, let me answer your two questions. First, is anal sex painful? The simple answer is yes. For a young woman, it can be agony! This is simply because the diameter of the woman's anus is a lot less than the diameter of the man's penis.

One might ask: 'Then why do women agree to it?' Well, the fact is that when they have done it a few times, they find that it becomes easier. Over a period of six to 12 months, the rectal muscles gradually relax, so that entry is usually less painful.

Another factor is age. In my practice, I have found that women over 40 tend to be more tolerant of their partners' requests for (anal) sex. This may be because the muscles and other tissues around the rectum have been stretched by childbirth, so there is less pain.

But the truth is that women do not usually derive much pleasure from the experience of anal sex.

It is the men who get the most pleasure.

Now, as it relates to your second question, unfortunately, there is some truth in how it affects the bowels. If a woman is subjected to repeated anal intercourse, the anus actually starts to widen. Eventually, it becomes like an open 'gap' - perhaps an inch or so across. Normally, a woman's anus is closed, but if her anus is permanently open, then it is highly likely that there will be some incontinence, that is, leakage of faeces. That can lead to some unfortunate consequences.

Summing up, I would say that you are perfectly within your rights to refuse anal sex to any present or future partners you may have.


Q: I am a 33-year-old man,

and last week, I found myself getting into bed with a beautiful American tourist. I felt this was going to be a wonderful experience.

But guess what happened, Doc? I simply could not manage it! No matter how I tried, I just could not get an erection.

The woman was very nice about it and said she "greatly enjoyed" my company for the evening. But she did not agree to see me again.

What should I do, Doc? Should I go on Viagra immediately?

A: Certainly not! The important thing is to find out why you failed to get an erection. I feel you should see a doctor and have a good check-up. It would be wise to take a sample of urine with you so the doctor can test it for diabetes.

However, in your age group, there are many possible causes for a brief failure to get an erection. For instance, it may just be that you were nervous with this beautiful tourist. When a man gets nervous or anxious, it becomes very difficult for him to become erect.

Be of good cheer! I am sure that you are not losing your nature.


Q: Doc, I am a divorcee who has a very vigorous sex life. My doctor thinks I should go on the Mini-Pill. But what exactly is it? And how do you take it? I have heard it is a low-dose version of the Pill.

A: That is not quite right. The Mini-Pill and the ordinary Pill are two different things.

You see, the ordinary Pill contains two female-type hormones (oestrogen and progesterone). The Mini-Pill contains only one. Unlike the ordinary Pill, it has no oestrogen in it.

This means that it is far less likely to cause things like heart attacks and strokes. And that is the reason it is so often prescribed for women in their 30s and 40s.

It is also good for mothers who are breast-feeding because (unlike the ordinary Pill), it does not tend to stop the flow of milk.

The Mini-Pill is not quite as efficient a contraceptive as the ordinary Pill, but it's pretty good, especially in more mature women, who are not quite as fertile as they use to be.

How do you take it? You should take your very first Mini-Pill on day one of your menses. After that, it is one tablet a day - every day of the year.

No breaks, please! And take care to have your Mini-Pill at roughly the same time every single day.


Q: I recently got married for the third time, Doc, and my new wife is a very sexy woman. But we have one problem. After we have had sex, she is quite disgusted by seeing and feeling my semen running out of her. She has told me that she "can't help her feelings".

What can I do about this, Doc?

A: I am afraid that all you can do is to wear a condom whenever you have intercourse.

Some women are like your new wife, and feel repelled by seminal fluid. There is no easy way in which you can change your wife's mind about this matter.

Q: When my husband was in England, he did a vasectomy, so for the last few years, we have had no need to worry about any form of contraception.

But, Doc, I can tell you in confidence that I have a new, young boyfriend, so I urgently need something to keep me from getting pregnant.

If I had one of those coils fitted, would my husband be able to tell?

A: There is a pretty high chance that he would be able to feel the little thread - during intercourse or perhaps during 'petting'. And he would certainly guess that this meant that you had a lover.

So I am afraid that a coil (intrauterine device) will not solve your problem. Sorry.