Doctor's advice: Her herpes heartache

Q I am female, and I have caught herpes. There are four things I would like to know. Is it safe to have unprotected sex when I am not having an outbreak?Will my husband be able to perform oral sex on me without getting it? And can I do the same to him? Lastly, what problems will arise if I have children?

As I am sure you realise, it is a sexually transmitted infection, caused from a virus which is passed from one person to another during sexual activity.

I am sorry to hear that you have got it, but please try to be as optimistic as you can. The disease will not kill you. And as I said last week, there is often a tendency for the infection to burn itself out, so that attacks often get milder over the years.

Let me begin by explaining what happens with herpetic infections. When you have sex with an infected partner, the virus spreads from his or her sex organs to yours.

Around four weeks later, you develop some painful little blisters. In the case of a woman, these will probably be inside the vagina, or on the labia (the 'lips' of the vulva).

With guys, the blisters will generally be on the penis. Also, in both sexes, the blisters can be on the anus if there has been homosexual activity.

quite uncomfortable

Blisters on the genitals are quite uncomfortable and may also make urination painful.

They may be accompanied by a tingling feeling. In fact, sometimes the tingling is a warning that the blisters are about to appear.

Fortunately, after a few weeks, the blisters usually dry up, and the person may think that the infection has gone for ever. Alas, it hasn't.

Why not? Well, the herpes virus has a cunning tendency of hiding in your nervous system. In fact, it hides in the nerves which supply your genital area. And it lies dormant there for quite a while.

Most regrettably, from time to time, the virus will get active again. When that happens, the blisters will reappear, and once again there will be tingling and soreness.

These attacks of herpes tend to continue throughout life, though there is a definite tendency for them to get less severe as the years go by. I am sorry to say that at the moment there is no actual cure for the disease.

However, there are drugs called antivirals, such as Acyclovir. These will reduce the frequency and severity of outbreaks.

Now, you have asked me four questions, and I will deal with them one by one:

Is it safe to have unprotected sex when you are not having an outbreak of herpes blisters? I am afraid that the answer is no.

You see, patients often produce the herpes virus from the sex organs, even at a time when they don't have the blisters.

Some couples do take a chance and have unprotected sexual intercourse between attacks, but this is very risky. You should use condoms every time you have intercourse.

Will your husband be able to perform oral sex on you without catching the virus himself? Again, the answer is no.

However, it is possible to get things called dental dams. These are sheets of protective material that you put over the lady's vulva. Her partner can then give her oral sex through the dam.

Can you give oral sex to your husband? The answer is yes. Provided you never have any herpes blisters in your mouth, it should be fairly safe for you to give him fellatio.

Lastly, what problems will arise if you have children?

Well, the biggest danger from herpes is that it might attack an unborn or newborn baby. There is certainly a risk that the child might pick up the virus while being born.

The traditional way of dealing with this problem is to have a Caesarean section. However, in recent years, many obstetricians have said that the risks of vaginal delivery are relatively small.

I wish you and your husband well. Please email me again if you have further questions, but be guided by your own doc.

Q I am a 19-year-old guy. Whenever I climax, I only produce around 10ml of fluid. Is this normal?

That is actually about twice what most guys produce, so you can quit fretting.

Q I am a 17-year-old girl who is not sexually active. I really enjoy hanging around boys, but just as friends. Because they know that I'm not active, they are always talking to me about sex, and telling me what to expect. They have told me that I will eventually develop a sexual appetite, and that the best source of sexual awakening is through masturbation. Is this true?

Well, I guess that these boys are getting a bit of a thrill from all the sex talk. It is most unlikely that they are experts on the subject.

They are probably getting excited by the idea of encouraging you to masturbate. But I think you should pay them no mind. You have no real need to do that.

Q I fear that my testicles are too small, Doc. What are the dimensions of the average human testicle?

The average adult testicle measures about 2 inches by 1.2 inches by 0.8 inches - which is 5cmx3cmx2cm.

If you are worried about the size of yours, ask a doc to check them out.

Q I am 18, and I have just broken a bone in my foot while playing football. How long will it take to mend?

These little bones in the foot generally take around six weeks to mend, but you must be guided by the doc who is looking after you.

Do not attempt to play until he says it is declared safe to do so.

Q I am a 19-year-old girl who has never had an orgasm. I am always hearing my friends talking about it. So I am eager to experience that feeling myself. Doc, I do feel kind of left out. So I hope you can help me with this problem. Can you please give me some advice on how to reach an orgasm?

To be frank, I feel that you have got the wrong idea from your friends. I suspect that some of them are empty boasters. They may well have not reached an orgasm themselves.

What you do not realise is this: Most females take quite a long time to learn to reach orgasm. Research in Europe has found that the average young woman doesn't achieve climax until she has been in a sexual relationship for two years. Don't be in a rush.

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