'Loader man' load of nonsense

André Wright, Acting Opinion Editor

There once was a bishop named Herro,

Who policed all political error,

But he broke his funny bone,

And did so moan and groan

Till he became an absolute terror.

Just when we thought the silly season couldn't get sillier, it has! In recent weeks, some of our veteran politicians, hardened by many gladiatorial battles on the hustings, have suddenly gone soft.

The Political Code of Conduct is being manipulated and cited quicker than we can say, "Snap election!" And now Bishop Herro Blair, our political ombudsman, has decided that he's gonna annihilate a fly with an atomic bomb.

Bishop Blair is morphing into the caricature of a teacher, in my prep-school days, whose frock tail was tugged by a teary-eyed Joni complaining that Billy had stolen a kiss. But Joni's anger was understandable - she was about nine! When grown men and women come cow-bawling, it's quite another matter.

Political refugees indeed!

The first squeal in the latest round of complaints was Colin Campbell's wimpy protest that Pearnel Charles - who years ago was tagged "two-head man" (Wonder if Pearnel can appeal retroactively?) - was abusive in dubbing him a "refugee".

Refugee status applies to those political candidates who have taken an electoral beating - whether by narrow margin or a shellacking - and flee to safer territory. The term also applies to candidates who want an easy ride to victory in garrison or near-garrison constituencies.

There's no need to blow a fuse over being called a refugee, Colin, because Pearnel is a refugee too. Charles had to pack his bags and go when he was evicted from Eastern St Thomas by Fenton Ferguson in 1993 and sought haven in North Central Clarendon.

The nomadic Patrick Atkinson is also a refugee, criss-crossing from St Thomas to Westmoreland and now Trelawny. And Andrew Holness will be a refugee if he drops anchor in West Kingston - because it's easier to win handsomely in a prime ministerial garrison than face a scrappy West Central St Andrew fight with a 1,000-odd-vote margin.

Loader man quip

The latest storm in an enamel mug is the goodly reverend's stance on Abe Dabdoub's 'loader man' barb.

Putting a lid on vitriolic abuse is one thing; nit-picking is another.

Blair's splitting of hairs, in his convoluted definition to distinguish country fellows as docile baggage carriers from urban loader men as harassers, just doesn't fly.

Dabdoub's loader man metaphor was obviously poking fun at the power handover within the JLP's hierarchy, with Golding as the 'Driver', perhaps Shaw as the 'Conductor' (finance minister) and Holness as the unlicensed 'Loader Man'. It's obviously not meant to suggest Holness is an extortionist. That's bogus hermeneutics, Bishop!

Man-a-Yard apologised for comparing the fleet-footed Sista P to a "leggo-beast". But as uncomplimentary as a leggo-beast is, the phrase "jumping like leggo-beast" is a mild rebuke that even parents use to keep children in line. Noticeably, Shaw hasn't retracted his comparison of the sharp-eared Peter Bunting to Satan.

Overly sensitive

Why have we become as sensitive as a 'shame old lady' plant? It seems that termites have indeed been eating our brains (incidentally, a comment I believe the prime minister need not apologise for).

Our usually pachydermatous politicians must stop behaving like spineless amoeba by crying "cree" at every lick in a rhetorical volley. Fact is, repartee and word-throwing are part of the colour and charisma of Jamaica's political tradition, especially on the campaign trail. Give a political jackass a microphone, and he will bray till Thy kingdom come.

When the comments become really nasty - remember Roger Clarke's "hold you down and tek it" and Desmond McKenzie's reprisal about the rape-worthiness of Clarke? - then the political ombudsman should step in and say, "No below-the-belt swings, fighters!" And when Phillip Paulwell celebrates "get di t'ing dem" (Baby Cham) and Horace Dalley glorifies a "gangster fi life" (Mavado), both ombudsman sanction and public outcry must send them to the cross for repentance. Blair should also intervene when politicians stoke violence and intimidation.

But let's not quibble over small potatoes. Forgetting the intellect-numbing charades that campaign meetings represent, civil society should get its knickers in a twist over how either party will grow the economy, curb unemployment and continue to cut crime.

The bishop should remember he's the star of the show only when he's in the pulpit. When he's the referee, people want to see the footballers play. Keep your cards in your pocket except for flagrant fouls.

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