DOCTOR'S ADVICE - Desperate for a baby

Q: Doctor, I having been trying to conceive for five years. I have done tests, but nothing abnormal was found. Last year, my husband consented to having a 'sperm test'. He forecast that it would be normal because he is a very sexy man. But when the result came back, it showed that he had practically no active sperms at all.

Well, Doctor, I felt that this had put an end to my hopes of ever having a child. But then I started thinking if I should have a baby by somebody else. In our town, there is a younger man who is very friendly towards us. I like him and he likes me. He is a very attractive and fit man and it is said that he has already fathered a child somewhere in Portland.

So I am wondering if I should discreetly have sex with him and get pregnant that way? I'm sure he could give me the baby I desire so much. And I think that no one would ever know. What do you think, Doctor?

A. Frankly, I do not think this is a very good plan. Yes, the odds are that you could get pregnant by this young man. But bear in mind that you would probably have to go to bed with him several times before you conceived. In fact, it might be many times. So that would make the relationship very difficult to conceal from your husband, your friends and your family.

But consider what would happen if you were to become pregnant by this young man. You would then tell your husband that you are 'expecting'. And what is his reaction going to be? He already knows that he has (to use your words) 'practically no active sperms'. So he must be aware that it is very unlikely that he could ever be the father.

So I would guess that he would immediately realise that he was being 'given a jacket'. He could well become bitter and furious. He may even end the marriage.

I must admit that I have occasionally known cases where a husband 'closed his eyes' to the obvious fact that his wife is pregnant by another man. In one or two instances, the husband welcomed the baby joyously, and brought it up as his own. But that sort of thing does not happen very often.

Also, you should consider the young man who you are thinking of getting pregnant by. He might not be pleased if he realises that you were using him as a sort of 'sperm factory'.

Another possible complication is this. What if the young man does not want to bring your relationship to a close after you have conceived? What if he falls in love with you? Such things do sometimes happen after a couple have had sex.

So all in all, I think that your plan is a very dangerous one. It is unfair to two men (your husband and the young man) and perhaps to the child as well.

I do appreciate that you are very desperate to have a child. But perhaps a wiser plan would be to talk to your husband about the possibilities of artificial insemination by donor (AID), or indeed, adoption.

Q:Doctor, 10 years ago I had a vasectomy operation in England. Now I have met a beautiful woman who loves me, and we want to get married. Is there any chance that I could get the vasectomy 'reversed', so that she and I could have a family? I could afford to pay for an operation.

A:Vasectomy reversal is a very difficult operation. It is often attempted, in England and America, but the results are not very good. Please talk matters over with your girlfriend. You may just have to accept that it will be a childless marriage.

If you do decide to try to have the vasectomy reversed, my advice would be to go to a surgical 'centre of excellence' in New York or some other large city. Make sure that the surgeon you consult has a lot of experience in reversing vasectomies. And ask him what his results are!

Q:At the age of 39, my wife has suddenly started having 'multiple orgasms'. Does this indicate that she has been unfaithful to me?

A:Not at all. Many women have multiple orgasms for the first time when they are over 35. Sometimes this indicates that they are now very relaxed and happy with their partners. Other times, it can mean that the husband has grown more skilled at lovemaking as the years have gone by. So maybe you should just give yourself a pat on the back.

Q:I have always been allergic to condoms, so I have never used them successfully for sex. But is it true that there are now some 'low allergy' brands?

A:Yes. A lot of men have your problem. So there is a market for 'non-latex' condoms. Your nearest pharmacy may have them. Alternatively, it is easy to buy them via the Internet.

Q:Is it true that 'hair extensions' can kill you, as I have heard?

A:Well, there have been some reports of women dying because of a massive allergic reaction to the glue which is used to attach hair extensions to the scalp. Such cases are rare. But if you are allergy-prone, maybe it would be best to avoid hair extensions.

Q:I am curious to know if I could be pregnant. I have a 27-day cycle. My boyfriend and I had sex on about 'day 12' of my cycle, and he just discharged on my stomach. Then we had sex again the following day, though we cannot remember exactly where he climaxed. Now I am three days overdue. I have not taken a pregnancy test, as I am scared.

A:If your period still have not arrived, then you should take the home pregnancy test immediately! Don't be scared. Having unprotected sex on days 12 and 13 of the menstrual cycle is very likely to lead to pregnancy, even if the man tries to 'withdraw' in time.I hope the result of the pregnancy test will be what you wish for.

Q:In the past year, I have noticed a yellow discharge. It makes me sore, and makes sex difficult. I have been treated several times for yeast infections, but the yellow discharge keeps coming back. Help!

A:This discharge is yellow rather than the typical white which signifies a yeast infection (thrush). Also, it is not responding to anti-yeast medication. This makes me think that it is something else. Possibly an infection with the parasite called Trichomonas vaginalis. The treatment for this is an oral tablet called 'metronidazole'. I feel that both you and your partner should try this. Good luck.

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