Let's talk life - Helping a depressed spouse

• Helping a depressed spouse

Dear counsellor,

My wife has recurrent depression and I find it very frustrating. I think I will become depressed some day. I need advice on how to help my spouse.

- Donald

Dear Donald,

Depression is very stressful for patient and family. It is difficult to be supportive of someone with a chronic illness and depression is a chronic illness. Your wife needs to see her psychiatrist to discuss her treatment and the use of medication to prevent relapse of depression. Your wife also needs cognitive behaviour therapy to help her cope. The family needs counselling to help them cope. You need to see a counsellor to discuss coping strategies.

Helping someone with depression can be a challenge. You may feel helpless and wonder what to do. Learn the signs and symptoms of depression. Some of the signs and symptoms are: feeling sad, down or empty, losing interest in activities that were once a source of pleasure, feeling hopeless, worthless or helpless, feeling irritable or restless , changes in appetite, losing or gaining weight unintentionally, sleeping poorly or oversleeping, feeling tired or having less energy, having persistent feelings of guilt, having trouble thinking, concentrating or making decisions, decreased capability and performance, having thoughts of suicide and abusing alcohol or drugs.

Depression seldom gets better without treatment and may get worse. Talk to your wife about what you've noticed and why you're concerned. Offer to help prepare a list of questions for your wife to discuss with her psychiatrist. Express your willingness to help by setting up appointments, going with her to appointments and attending family therapy sessions. You need to know the warning signs of worsening depression. What are the typical signs and symptoms of depression in your wife? What behaviours or language do you observe when depression is worse? What behaviours do you observe when she is doing well? What circumstances trigger episodes of more severe depression?

What activities are most helpful when depression worsens?

You need to understand suicide risk. People with depression are at an increased risk of suicide. If your loved one is severely depressed, prepare yourself for the possibility that at some point she may feel suicidal. Take all signs of suicidal behaviour seriously and act immediately. Talk to your wife about your concern. Ask if she has been thinking about committing suicide or has a plan for how to commit suicide. Having an actual plan indicates a higher likelihood of attempting suicide. Take certain words seriously. There are certain warning signs of suicide. Getting the means to commit suicide, such as buying a gun or stockpiling pills or being preoccupied with death, dying or violence. Also withdrawing from social contact and wanting to be left alone.

Encourage your wife to stick with the treatment. Help her to remember to take prescribed medications and to attend scheduled appointments. Be willing to listen. Let your wife know that you want to understand how she feels. When she wants to talk, listen carefully but avoid giving advice or opinions or making judgements.

Just listening and being understanding can be a powerful healing tool.

Give positive reinforcement. People with depression may judge themselves harshly and find fault with everything they do. Remind her about her positive qualities and how much she means to you and others.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.