Doctor's Advice - Desperate to lose my virginity

• Desperate to lose my virginity

Q: I am a guy of 19. I am still a virgin, and I am getting slightly desperate, Doc! All my friends have had sex, so I am the only one in my group who hasn't. So I have been thinking. I know that in Kingston there are 'commercial ladies' who have sex with you for a fee. Do you think that I should go there for the evening and lose my virginity with one of these women? I am slightly worried about the idea since I would not like to get anybody pregnant.

A: If you carried out this plan, you would be running some very serious risks. To start with, please bear in mind that occasionally, guys get robbed when they go with prostitutes.

And from a medical point of view, you must realise that having sex with a 'professional' is quite likely to give you gonorrhoea (the clap) or chlamydia. There is also some risk of catching syphilis - or even HIV.

I don't think you need fret too much about the danger of getting a prostitute pregnant because these women do generally have the good sense to protect themselves against conception. Indeed, you might well find that the 'lady of the night' insists that you use a condom.

Really, I think you are fretting far too much about the fact that you are still a virgin at age 19. You may be surprised to hear that even today, many guys do not lose their virginity till they are 24 or 25. Also, I doubt if it is really true that all of your pals have had sex. Many young men pretend to have had intercourse, when in reality, they are still virgins like you.

I am of the view that you should drop this plan of going up to Kingston to find a 'hooker'. Instead, I suggest you concentrate on having good and friendly social relationships with girls.

Over the next year or so, take a few out, and show them a good time. Have fun with them, and enjoy talking with them. Try to learn what women are all about.

From what you have said, I am guessing that you have never even kissed a girl. Now that would be a reasonable objective for you. And it is one that would be unlikely to get you into trouble. Also, you wouldn't catch any sexually transmitted infection from it.

• Rectal sex pressure

Q. I am female, age 17, and for six months now I have been having a sexual relationship with a much older guy. He is 30. My concern is this. He is now pressuring me to let him have rectal sex with me. He says if I really loved him, I would agree.

A: I sometimes despair when I hear about guys still pulling that old trick of saying "If you really loved me, you'd let me ..." Women should pay no mind to that sort of foolish suggestion!

Now, as it relates to rectal (anal) sex, I would advise you against it. The first thing you should realise is that it will hurt you. Young women feel pain when something is pushed up their rectum. Also, it is unlikely that you will enjoy it. There are some mature women who don't mind doing that type of thing, but very few young ones find any pleasure in it. Finally, rectal sex is a good way of transmitting germs - particularly HIV. So all in all, I feel you should tell this guy "no".

• No desire for women

Q. At the age of 21, I am a guy who is concerned by the fact that I do not seem to have any wild desire to go to bed with girls. Or with men either! When my friends get excited about the shape of a woman or about the size of her breasts, that just leaves me cold. I suppose I would like to get married some day, but I certainly do not think about women all the time as several of my pals do. Do you feel there is something wrong with me, Doc?

A: No, I don't. People vary greatly in the amount of sexual desire that they have. Some guys are highly sexed, and others have a low sex drive. You would seem to fall into the latter category. That is nothing to fret about. However, if you have any real symptoms of being deficient in male hormones, you should see a doctor. Such symptoms would include:

• No facial hair;
• No pubic hair;
• Unbroken voice;
• Absence of erections;
• Complete lack of orgasms;
• Very small, child-like genitals.

If any of the above apply to you, then it would be worth asking the doctor to do a blood test to find out what your testosterone levels are. However, I feel that the odds are that you are just a normal guy, but one who is not very interested in sex.

• Should I do a Pap Smear?

Q. I am a female university student age 20. Last night, I had sexual intercourse with a guy for the very first time in my life. I enjoyed it. But I am a little bit worried, Doc. Do you think I should go and have a smear done now?

A: No, that would be absolutely pointless. Pap smears are for detecting early changes of cancer of the cervix. They do not detect sexually transmitted infections (STI), if that is what you are fretting about.

Now that you are no longer a virgin, there is certainly a chance that you might develop cervical cancer some time far in the future, so you should definitely get yourself regular Pap smears in due course. But any time in the next three years or so would be fine.

However, if you think there is the slightest chance that you might have caught an STI from the guy who took your virginity, then you should have some tests for infection - and particularly for chlamydia.

• Painful menses

Q. I have dreadful menses, Doc. They are heavy and painful and make my life miserable. A friend has suggested that it might be a good idea if I had a coil fitted. What do you think?

A: The ordinary coil (intra-uterine device, or IUD) would not be a good idea for you. It would just make your periods worse. However, the hormone-loaded coil, which is called Mirena, is quite a different matter. It is usually very good for controlling heavy menses. An alternative would be to go on the Pill.

• What is edging?

Q. I am 22, and I am not very successful sexually with girls. I have been advised to try something called 'edging'. Would it help me, Doc?

A: Edging is a non-medical technique used by some males in America. It has been claimed that it helps control premature ejaculation and improves erections. It is an exercise in which the guy takes himself to the brink of orgasm during masturbation, but then stops and waits for a while before continuing. I am not convinced that doing this would be beneficial to you, but it is certainly harmless.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.