DOCTOR'S ADVICE - I want to break my hymen

• I want to break my hymen

Q. I am a young woman, and I just want to know this. Is there any easy way to break your hymen? I have tried to stick a tampon in me, but it hurt so much! I am sure I did it the right way, but it wouldn't go in. And every time I touch down there, it would hurt a lot. I'm terrified. Help me, please!

A: Sorry to hear about all the distress and pain you have had. As you know, the hymen (or virgin's veil) is a thin membrane which closes off the vagina in most virgins. In fact, it doesn't close it off completely because there is nearly always a little gap to let the menses through.

Now, like a lot of young women who have difficulties with tampons, you have formed the opinion that it is your hymen that is preventing the object from going in. I have to tell you that this is unlikely.

Yes, I have seen infrequent cases in which a young lady's hymen was so tough that nothing would go through it so that it had to be cut by a surgeon. But such instances are rare.

Frankly, it is far more likely that your tension and fear about putting tampons into your vagina are making the pelvic musculature close down - like a sort of muscle contract. That fits with the intense pain which you are feeling when you touch yourself.

So what should you do now? Well, your best move would be to go and see a sympathetic doctor. The doctor can examine you, and if by any chance your hymen is very tough, then he can arrange to have that fixed for you.

Also, if there is any other obstruction in the vagina, he will be able to diagnose that. However, my guess is that the doctor will find that your muscles are tightening up and paining you. If so, then he will be able to give you good advice about how to relax the vagina so as to let those tampons slip in. I wish you well.

• What is promiscuity?

Q. I am a guy of 18, and I have heard where promiscuity is dangerous. To be honest, Doc, last Friday I had sex with two girls in the same evening. Does that count as promiscuity?

A: Well, you are right in saying that promiscuity is dangerous because it spreads sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Also, promiscuous people are likely to have unplanned babies. However, defining what constitutes promiscuity is not easy. My dictionary defines it as 'casual, irregular sexual relations'.

People who are very strict about sexual matters will mostly regard any kind of sex outside marriage as being promiscuous. In contrast, folks who take a very relaxed attitude to sex might claim that having a couple of different partners a year isn't really promiscuous.

But I must say, however, that any doctor would regard your 'two girls in an evening' behaviour as highly dangerous. Did you use condoms with these two young ladies? Did you wash in-between? Whatever you did, it is clear that you ran some risk of catching an infection. If you notice any of the following symptoms, you should see a doctor urgently:

• Pain on passing urine;
• A discharge from the penis;
• A lump or raw place on the penis;
• A swelling in the groin.

As it relates to the future, please try to remember that girls are not 'sex objects'. Why not try to develop a relationship with one instead of just seducing her?

• Regularising my menses

Q. I have irregular menses. Would the Pill regularise them for me, Doc?

A: Yes. A well-chosen Pill, at the right dose for you, would give you absolutely regular menses, occurring once every 28 days. Indeed, when the Pill was first introduced, it was often known as 'the cycle regulator'.

• Am I fertile?

Q. I am a guy who is fretting about my fertility. A few years back, I got kicked in the testicles during a football match. How could I find out if I am fertile, Doc? I can afford to pay for tests.

A: Well, if you really can afford it, then it might be a good idea to do a 'sperm test'. This involves taking a sample of your seminal fluid to the lab so they can look at it under the microscope and see how many little sperms are swimming around in it.

Most important: You have to provide the specimen fresh. That often means putting it into the sample bottle when you are actually near to the hospital laboratory. In order to have the test, you will need a paper, which any doctor could give you.

A normal sperm test would indicate that it is very likely you are fertile, though it would not be absolutely certain. In fact, from what you say, I think it is unlikely that the kick you got while playing soccer has made you sterile.

• Simultaneous orgasm

Q. Should a woman be able to orgasm whenever a man has sex with her?

A: No, this a mistaken belief that many people have. Generally, women find it much harder to orgasm than men do. This is particularly so with young women, many of whom may take years to become able to climax reliably.

Furthermore, what a lot of folks do not realise is that while sexual intercourse readily makes a male reach orgasm, it is not very effective for females. Most women need a lot of stimulation of the clitoris in order to make them discharge. And intercourse by itself doesn't usually provide much stimulation of the clitoris.

These facts have been established in a number of major sex surveys, the most important of which was one which was carried out by the famous American author Shere Hite. When she announced that sexual intercourse alone was not enough to make most females reach orgasm, there was a violently hostile reaction in the USA. She even received death threats and eventually decided to leave the country!  Nevertheless, she was right.

• Short foreskin

Q. As a guy of 19, I really feel that my foreskin is not long enough. I think this is impairing my sexual performance with my girlfriend. What can I do about it, Doc?

A: I am not sure why you think your foreskin is too short. Did your parents perhaps have you circumcised as a child, leaving just a little bit of skin?

Anyway, I don't believe that having a longer foreskin would help any guy or his partner. But if that is what you honestly want, you could approach a plastic surgeon and ask him if he could do it and how much it would cost!

I should add that there are quite a few young guys like you who want longer or looser foreskins. They try to achieve their object through a system of manual stretching. Some of them even attach a sort of pulley to the skin in order to pull it out a bit. I would not recommend this pulley idea.

However, if you want more details of foreskin-stretching, you can find it on the Internet at various sites, including www.restoringforeskin.org.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.