My husband is an alcoholic

My husband of nine years is an alcoholic, and I do not know what to do.

We were best friends from high school. We studied together, we went to the movies together and we partied together. He was my childhood sweetheart, and we had a fabulous wedding.

We have a son. My husband went overseas to do his master's and completed it in two years. However, since he has returned, he is a changed person.

I was aware that he was a social drinker and might overdo it once in a while.

However, I did not see the warning signs, and I even brought alcohol into the home.

He did well in his studies, and, although he has this drug problem, he still functions very well at work, and our son is not even aware of his father's problem.

One day, he admitted to me that he was having a problem with alcohol. He revealed that he went to Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) and even tried Christianity, but is back to his old ways.

grand plans

As a husband and father, he still has grand plans for the family to make us rich and comfortable. Sometimes he does not want me in his presence, and I have to leave him alone in his bedroom.

He also hangs out at bars with former classmates who have not achieved much.

I am distressed and disappointed in him, and I am at my wits end, not knowing what to do or say.

My family tells me to just forget about him and move on because he has moved on to a different crowd. What can I do?

A: It is disheartening to hear about a brilliant mind and good person going to waste because of alcohol addiction. Your husband is not the first person to squander his life at the altar of drug addiction and chances are he will not be the last. You are to be commended for being a faithful and loyal wife who wants to help as things have turned for the worse.

Because he has been to AA and other intervention mechanism, and it did not bear sustainable results, does not mean another visit to a rehabilitation centre will not help. For some persons, it is not at the first attempt that they get full recovery. It seems that he needs a residential drug-rehabilitation centre or detoxification hospital. Similarly, because he became a Christian and he did not live up to Christian principles does not mean he should not seek to renew his relationship with God in an attempt to sever links with drug addiction. The good thing is that he has admitted he has a problem, and this is the first step to recovery. If he feels that he has reached rock bottom, then this could further help.

supportive wife

Your role is to be a supportive wife and to let him know that you will always love him and be his friend. Remember to reassure him that whatever is necessary to help him through this bad patch you are willing to do.

Encourage your family members not to give up on your husband as yet, and they should provide a supportive atmosphere for him. In addition, you should not blame yourself for his alcohol addiction because it is not necessarily your fault. Your husband has to take responsibility for his actions.

When he wants to be left alone, do not see it as a rejection of you, but it could be that he is embarrassed by his state and he respects you too much so he does not want you or his son to see him in that condition. You have to discourage him from going to bars with his classmates and try and find him other classmates who are not into alcohol.

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