Toronto mayor airs bloody cloths

Carolyn Cooper, Contributor

Rob Ford, the rogue mayor of Toronto, seems to be blighted. He definitely needs a bath of the St Thomas kind. His latest antic is getting caught on camera swearing in Jamaican. Two of our big, fat bad words have gone viral. I can't repeat them here since this is a most respectable newspaper, with a long and distinguished pedigree.

Let's just say these dirty words graphically refer to the bloody specifics of menstruation, in particular the protective cloth that covers the female pubic region.

I've been trying to come up with some equal-opportunity bad words that refer to male anatomy: rotten wood, dry-up seed, pop-down h, done aready. But these gender-specific curse words just don't have the weight of tradition behind them. They're going to take a long time to catch on.

And the men who love to swear by women's private parts are not going to be comfortable with exposing their limitations and admitting their shortcomings. It's all just too close to the bone.

PATOIS EXPERTISE?

Last Tuesday, I got an email from a producer at a television station in Toronto: "I'm sure you've heard about our Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, and the recent scandal he's been involved in. Well, there's a new video that has come out today of the mayor swearing, mumbling and speaking in Jamaican patois. I'm wondering if you could use your expertise to tell us what he's saying, and why it's offensive?"

I had to laugh. 'Patois' and 'expertise' side by side! In Jamaica, we don't associate 'patois' with skill. Because it comes naturally, we take or mother tongue for granted. Or worse, we dismiss it as an obstacle in our path as we step up in life. We don't appreciate the value of our language as cultural capital. It takes foreigners to make us see that we can make money out of this fundamental element of our culture. It's a niche market in the creative industries.

I'm certainly not an expert on the technicalities of our Jamaican language. It's the linguists we have to thank for analysing the structure of our mother tongue and defining the rules of grammar. And if you think 'Patwa' has no grammar, just listen to non-Jamaicans trying to speak the language. Nuff grammatical mistake!

JAMAICAN GRAMMAR BOOK

The first expert to do a book-length study of the grammar of the Jamaican language was Beryl Loftman Bailey. She was born in Black River in 1920. Both of her parents were teachers and she, too, entered the profession. She taught English literature and composition at the Bethlehem Training College from 1942-1948. Then she migrated to the United States where she studied linguistics and became a professor.

In 1966, Cambridge University Press published her pioneering book, Jamaican Creole Syntax. In the preface, she says it was teaching at Bethlehem that made her realise just how difficult it was for some students to write in English. She admitted that she, too, had had problems with English at Wolmer's Girls' School. A 'bright' English teacher once asked her if she "intended to go through life speaking mathematics".

It was Dr Loftman Bailey's study of linguistics that made her fully understand the problem of 'language interference' that many Jamaican children face in school. And she decided to do something about. Her first goal in writing the Jamaican grammar book was "to explode once and for all the notion which persists among teachers of English in Jamaica that 'the dialect' is not a language and, further, that it has no bearing on the problem of the teaching of English".

Dr Loftman Bailey's second goal was "to provide the basis for the production of realistic English-language textbooks for Jamaican schools". Almost half a century later, we still aren't taking the Jamaican language seriously in school. And we're doing no better at teaching English. So instead of getting to the root of the problem, we're going to introduce an oral exam in English. Another subject for students to fail!

DAGGERING IN KINGSTON

Thanks to Rob Ford, our yard language is enjoying a very high profile in the international media. Newspapers across North America have carried the story and TV stations have broadcast the unbleeped clip. It's a pity that it's the bottom end of the language that's on display. All the same, the mayor of Toronto, however disgraced, is showing off his Jamaican language skills. I think the Jamaica Tourist Board should invite him to visit the land of wood and rich, red bad words.

Mayor Ford would expand his repertoire of expletives. In addition to the cloths, there are so many holes to penetrate! And since he's up for the culture, we could give him a whirlwind tour of all the hot spots: Wet Sundaze, Mojito Monday, Dubwise on Wednesday, OTH (Off The Chain) on Thursday, Appleton über on Friday and Kingston 8 on Saturday. Uptown girls do know how to give a wicked slam. Sorry, Beenie Man! So in the next scandalous video, the mayor of Toronto will be daggering up and down Kingston, waving nuff claat. And after that the bath. Cha!

Carolyn Cooper is a professor of literary and cultural studies at the University of the West Indies, Mona. Visit her bilingual blog at http://carolynjoycooper.wordpress.com. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and karokupa@gmail.com.